Break It Down Again

I get pulled into this whirlwind from time to time and I do what I can to control it.

I had a friend recently hook up with a woman who I don't think was worth his time. A destructive sort of individual that just made me see how easy it is to have dreams taken away. It got me working on Vitamin F in a way I haven't in a while. I'd been working on it, but not with strict regularity and diligence.

Of course, I've had something else play out as well. I'm trying to let go of someone close to my heart but not my life. It's one of those things I need to do so I can be free enough to be happy, but damn it, it just feels wrong sometimes. To put it in a little perspective, I don't know the moment I became friends--not acquaintances, but friends--with any of my friends, except for one.

How can I put my feelings for someone aside in my heart as well as in my life? I've had to shield my real feelings for Lyndsey from her for a long time. I don't know how to really do that without putting aside the feelings of friendship I have for her as well. It's a difficult thing and I don't want to think that I've just squandered or lost a real friend just because I couldn't really come to terms with the fact that, well, I can't have her.

That being said, it could easily be just a feeling I have for the moment. It could pass in time. Things could improve and I may even, someday find an awesome girl to be close friends with. But right now, I'm going to try and just worry about my writing. That's what's going to get me everything I really want in the long term anyway.

Advancing

The one piece of writing that gets the most emotional reaction from my readers has been from Chapter 16 of Vitamin F. It starts out fairly dull, the tension brought on by Bridgett, aware of the secret locked in her genes, confronting her life. She still has to go to class, she still has to talk to the other girls in her sorority, and she still needs to go to the library on occasion.

But at the library, Genetic Security is waiting to run tests on the crowd. They wait, ready to ambush the crowd and run tests. They sample the genome, making sure its being taken care of for the good of the nation.

I just finished editing that section again. I try not to mess with it, for the simple reason that I don't want to destroy the notes that pull at an audience's emotions. I set out to have Bridgett confront her situation externally. I ended up with a some readers doing Bridgett's crying for her.

Creative Accomplishment

For Christmas, I had the idea of giving Lyndsey a drawing of my prospective cover to Vitamin F. I'd had an idea for quite a while showing an off-center image of Bridgett holding a vitamin in an open hand. It was a simple visual, marked more by the fact that the top of her head was going to be intentionally cut out of the image.

Another idea came along just after Thanksgiving. Yes, it took heavy notes from Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series, but, instead of being set up purely as an aesthetic, my new idea was built more around trying to identify the most basic conflict of Vitamin F. Once the twist comes along, there is actually significance behind Bridgett taking her vitamin every day.

The problem was that, with hectic scheduling and chaos all around, I ended up only having one day to draw the picture. I took out my pocket sketchbook and my pencils, being trapped behind a register for 6 hours on a slow night, and I went to work, doing what I could. My thought was that if I could finish the concept and have it look halfway decent, I could take a picture of it to finish later and give Lyndsey the original.

I did it. Had to do a little trimming, but I finished the small version with no problems. Take a look.

I thought I could include a black all around, just to keep the attention of the cover fixated on Bridgett. I want to find some way to really make the vitamin in her hand show up easier as well. I need to also improve the angle and a few of the proportions, but other that that, what you see if what I hope you'll get to buy someday for $10-25.

Finally, I had to give Lyndsey the picture in a card and while she was working, so I didn't really get to hear much of a reaction from her about it at the time. A few days ago, when I had to unlock the door so she could come in for work, she waved vigorously at me and smiled. "The picture was gorgeous," she said. Aside from the obvious statements I could make, I need to start on the next incarnation of that drawing soon. And I might have to try my hand at a drawing of a cute blonde in a thick black coat as well.

Characters Need More Character

This is what Lyndsey has told me several times. It's not that all my characters need to be badasses, and not all of them need work. She finds a lot of fault with the machinations of super sorority girl Marissa and non-conformist Delilah.

Lyndsey's comments have been among the most direct I've ever been given. Partially because she's not one to glaze over her feelings about something, partially because she's in my corner. She likes my writing style, my pacing, my plot, the twist. She even told me in a bit of speed talking that she likes Bridgett, Penelope, Oriane, and the cupcake.

I'm so glad everybody likes the cupcake.

A lot of this comes from an extensive e-mail conversation I had with Lyndsey over the past few days. As I said, she gave me some direct comments on my work, but she also gave me some very kind words of encouragement.

My only dread now is that she's going to really, really hate Chapter 47. It was the hardest chapter for me to write, one of the hardest to edit, and if everything stays on track, I get to edit it again within a week.

It shows that I care about these characters when I don't want to see their absolute darkest moment. If it was a matter of guns, swords, or explosions, I wouldn't have much problem with it. Gore isn't too much a problem for me either, being a biologist and a fan of Berserk. It's the emotional vacuum. It's the animality of the chapter. But I never advertised Vitamin F as being an entry for happy time theater.

Good news is that I'm going to finish draft two with about 45 days to spare on the current 100-day cycle.

A Twist on Things

"I like the twist. It's a good twist."

That's what Lyndsey told me yesterday. In a week, she went from begin in single digit chapters to having reached chapter 20. After reading that large block (including chapter 14), she first mentioned her displeasure with chapter 20.

Her problems with the story always stem back to a central idea: my characters need to have more character. It's not just that my characters need to be more believeable. Truth is, I'm likely very close on a lot of fronts. Angie and Lyndsey actually debated the quality of my characters, so I'm on the right track, I just need to refine them.

However, I need to follow Lyndsey's suggestions more. Not just to improve the quality of my characters, but to better match with expectations of the core audience. Being a literary-minded, college-educated woman, Lyndsey is the closest thing I have to an ideal reader--so I need to take her thoughts into a bit closer consideration than most.

Editing is a rough process, some say the hardest part of the whole thing. Guess I needed reminding of that.

Am I Going Fast Enough?

I gave myself one hundred days. I've got sixty-one left.

Saturdays and Sundays seem to be terrible for trying to make any progress to speak of on the three goals. I've still got to make my way through 26 Chapters of Vitamin F.

I'm trying to consolodate my reading. Since I finished off Small Favor late last week, I've tried to stick with The Sword of Shannara, but I've gotten a bit of that sensation I get when I stop reading a book. Terry Brooks is a fine writer, but there are times when he just goes on and on with his descriptions. He sparingly adds characters and there's been a distinct sense throughout the book--there's a big world and we have to care about it. Some of those paragraphs just run on too damn long. The last chapter I read had three paragraphs in the first four pages.

I understand the need for long paragraphs. I wish I had longer paragraphs myself. But in modern commercial writing, shorter paragraphs make for a faster pace. There are two key notes my readers keep coming to me with after reading the first chapter of Vitamin F: "I really like Delilah," and "Where's the next chapter?"

Look at Terry Goodkind's Sword of Truth series. He uses some spectacular descriptions, but his paragraphs aren't usually all that long. He usually only needs about two sentences to describe how a place or a character looks. Richer detail comes from redressing those settings later.

So when I look at my text and see that I've slashed six pages, I feel a great sense of accomplishment, especially given all the factors that are making it take up more pages. But there are times when I look over a chapter and think about killing the whole thing--the chapter, not the book.

Starting Another Book

I finally filled the writing notebook that I carry around with me. The last bit I put in there was the direct aftermath of the battle between Commander and Dural that I mentioned previously. I've wasted little time trying to put notes in the new notebook.

My first notes in the new book are about Vitamin F. Oscar just started reading it and he quickly pointed a few things out. The largest matter was reiterating Lyndsey's comments about how it sounds like the writer is male even though the point of view character is female. He also pointed out the commercial value of having a cute little goth girl running around in firm good standing with Bridgett. This doesn't seem like a major statement, but he said it becuse he perceived some antagonism between the two, which comes from my erratic way of jumping between parts of the story.

The last bit I tossed into the book today was a couple of paragraphs from Mind & Machine where I start to show that Der Former may have more interest in Kathryn than he has in Commander.

It's Only a Matter of Time

I reached an odd juncture in refining Vitamin F. The next chapter I had to give to Angie was traumatic for me as a writer to look at, not so much on quality of writing, but on the grounds of content. I also got to the big twist in putting together draft two at the same time.

My dilemma was in looking at the two most difficult parts of the entire book at once. Imagine Stephen King having to work on decreasing te number of characters in The Stand while at the same time, figuring out how to wrap the whole thing up. I can only imagine how mind-blowing it must have been. It's what caused him to start taking his regular walks.

Anyway, I didn't want to ruin my forward momentum, but I didn't want to upset Angie with what she get to read next. I decided at first to print out two chapters for her to read, then thought about the entire circumstance and decided to print everything she had left to read, a total of 7 chapters.

So it's a matter of time until someone--other than myself--knows what's going on in Vitamin F from start to finish. I'm a bit nervous about it, for good reason.

Notes from Stacey's Wedding

My cousin Stacey got married this evening. It was a very nice ceremony, even though it was one of those long weddings--the ones that have a row of bridesmaids and groomsmen, along with three songs, a pillow boy (he doesn't have any rings), and a mess maker (the really little girl who dumps flower petals around for no good reason). I discovered several things that I feel I should point out.

The text on the back of the book is essential. I may be sci-fi oriented, but, just by using the back of the book, I might be able to draw interest for Vitamin F where I couldn't if it was slipped away in the science fiction section of a bookstore.

There's nothing wrong in telling others that I've written a novel. I realized this after I noted that I'd told my fifth grade teacher and a distant relative, even though I haven't told my own mom. I fixed that, but I didn't go into much detail because...

I'm not really proud of writing Vitamin F at this point. It's the whole issue of homosexuality combined with where my family lives. It's just not a good mix if you examine the book on a basic level. And if you're just joining us, I'm not gay.

I'm still jumping at shadows of my past. I've told the tale about the girl I like in high school before. Tonight, I saw someone on the staff at the reception that looked a lot like that girl. There was enough similarity that I asked my old classmates that were there to tell me if I was right or wrong.

"Oh, but you'll find the right girl someday." There was a sincerety with most of the people that said those words this evening, that I didn't feel like I was being slapped in the face by fate. Maybe it's true, maybe it's not, but I'm started to mellow on that topic. Maybe.

I may have more to tell later. For now, feel free to discuss.

Setting Up For Round Two

I've been trying to find a few resources on agents, now that I've got an entire draft of Vitamin F finished. Of course, to be able to contact an agent, I'm going to need one other element in place, the synopsis. I already have an outline, but it works more like a road map for me to see what files make up the story; now that a full draft is finished, that file is getting closer and closer to being outdated.

In looking at my road map, I also notice that there's a nice trio of chapters dealing with a Fertility festival that really, really need to be reworked. So, needing something to fix my creative energies upon, I start trying to fix one of those chapters. To be brief, the rituals of Fertility are simple and have a very open way to interpret them.

The bad news came shortly after I finished repairing Chapter 33. I was thinking about putting it into proper format when I accidentally clicked on another editing module that made Word crash on me. So I had to bring the file back up. I could only get a read only copy, and that was the unedited text, which was useless to me. I needed to find what I fixed. Eventually I gave up and called no joy on it. I shut down Word and shut down the computer as well. When I took out my jump drive, I got an error message saying that there was a file still open on the jump drive. One restart later and I was looking at about 90% of the work I'd done today. I quickly saved and went about the rest of the day. I'd barely dodged the worst of a bullet there.

I've also been trying to write a little on Mind & Machine every day. I made something of a road map file for it, but, as I work on it, I've realized I need something a bit more complete. Since it's on a later draft than Vitamin F, I'm going to try to put together a synopsis of it some time in the near future. Right after I get the new details of the Commander mythos straightened out.

It's Done (for now)

Around 5:45PM today, I finsihed the first draft of Vitamin F. The details of how I finished it can be summed up in saying that I continued to choose the small moments to tell the story. There's only one real, earth-shaking shift in the status quo, so I felt it would be totally unfair to change the rules at the very end. As things currently stand, all the major questions are answered, but there is still enough left open for the reader's interpretation.

If, by chance, I've left it too open-ended, I already know how I can fix it. I'll just steal a mechanic that I'm going to use at the beginning of Mind & Machine. As far as I'm concerned, most everything is wrapped up with the current draft. All that remains is fine-tuning and refinement, two things that will come in time.

But for now, I'm going to leave Bridgett, Penelope, and Oriane alone. They're probably tired of me messing with their lives.

One final note: The first piece of text I wrote for Vitamin F was dated 2-1-2007.

Did I Just Finish?

I was just trudging through the end of Chapter 52, when I thought of a great way to end the sequence. Without giving much anything away, Oriane finds Penelope and Bridgett after the climax. Oriane has all the proper responses, given everything--and I mean everything--that's happened up to that moment. Literally, the chapter ends with Oriane closing a door. Yet, there is so much built in to closing that door.

There was a dark note in that sequence. That's not a spoiler since I think I've been fairly clear from day one that this was going to be a fairly dark story. Once I hit save on that chapter, I had a jolting thought: "Did I just finish Vitamin F?"

The more I think about it, I'm saying no. There are a small handful of unanswered questions as far as the plot goes, what happened to Oriane's sister being a big one. There's also something to deal with that I call main character identification. If Bridgett is the main character of this book, then I don't think it's fair to the readers to have her be largely absent from the last four chapters of a 52-chapter book. But if she's absent for four chapters only to have chapter 53 be only about her, then have chapter 54 be predominantly about her, then I think there's a better chance of readers being satisfied with the entire book.

Thinking about it again, Chapter 52 is about answering all the side questions. It's where I make the Brotherhood of Life seem like real bastards. It's one of those occasions where two characters I didn't think I was going to use more than once decide to show back up again.

Besides, I can't see there being about thirty pages after the last major scene with Bridgett. Like I said before, I think doing that would leave readers dissatisfied with the book as a whole if I did that.

Ahead of Schedule?

At the beginning of December, I gave myself a list of goals, extending over a two month period. Most of those involved reaching a certain chapter by a specific date. For example, I had to hit Chapter 30 by December 20th. I think that was the last one I got to by the date.

As I noted before, I had to trim out a sequence completely. As far as completion goals were concerned, this was the one thing slowing me down more than anything else. I did "cheat" in assembling blocks of text, noting what had to be changed, and then jumping past the bulk of the sequence entirely. It helped that a couple of the beta readers started to find time to read Vitamin F again.

It does wonders for a writer's motivation to hear that his readers are picking up on certain elements without being led to them. In ten pages, I convinced Angie that Adam John was the villian. In about 12 pages, Lyndsey got mad at Bridgett for spilling Delilah's secret.

My increased motivation has led to me cranking out completed chapters. Before I knew it, I found myself in the last 1/5 of the novel, the section where everything shifts from being subtle and subdued to being overt and violent. It's the part where most of the nasty things happen, containing some bits of text that, when I wrote them, made me step away from the computer for a few days. I'm also glad to say that I've already integrated the first piece of text I ever wrote for Vitamin F--it's the start of Chapter 41, when Adam John first speaks to Bridgett privately.

Expunging Chapters

As much as I hate the thought, I'm going to have to ditch at least a couple of chapters of what I've currently completed of Vitamin F.

When I first made the list of groups I'd make mad with the novel, I knew that Christians as a whole would be one of those groups. Blatantly describing a future world where your religion gets supplanted by another--almost overnight--will tend to make members of the real religion upset. The transition was one I felt was important in the progression of Bridgett's life during the year that starts when she meets Penelope.

The more I've thought about everything, the more I've noticed that the nature of religion in Vitamin F isn't massively important before this problematic point, nor is it important after that point. It's also something that slows me down every time I come to it. Perhaps the idea of a religion capturing the hearts of every person in a single country is a bit too far-fetched for myself. Or it might be that I just didn't care for how that element of the story was playing out.

My solution is to just cut that bit of the story out. I'll have to patch a few things up about it, but the mass conversion angle has to go. There's only so much bullshit an audience can swallow and I think that might be a bit too much.

Beta Plot Twists

As I previously hinted, one of the beta reader received Chapter 14 of Vitamin F today. It didn't take her long to get through it either.

Angie asked me a few questions before she started reading it. "Is Delilah dead?" I said that would be addressed in Chapter 15, which I also gave her. I asked her to mark down anything and everything she could think of about what she was reading. In a previous conversation, I warned her that I'd know when she met it just by her expression, she wouldn't even have to say she'd read it.

I didn't know how right I was. Angie was walking around close to the register I was working at. I noticed that she glanced my way a few times and had a look that said she was thinking about something. When she started coming forward (there were times when the register wasn't busy, even on Black Friday), I couldn't help but say, "I see that you've read it."

"I did not see that coming."

My response. "You weren't supposed to. Although, I did leave little clues in almost every chapter."

"Yeah. The title was a pretty big clue, but I wasn't sure how until I read it."

"That was one thing," I said.

"And," Angie said, "I've been wondering why Bridgett was the main character. Now I know why."

We discussed things about the chapter itself. Little things past that point. In celebration of the chapter doing it's job, we did the whole high-5 thing, and Angie gave me her official comment on the chapter: "Holy Fucking Shit!"

After One Hundred Days

A while back, I gave myself a loose due date to finish a draft of Vitamin F. I gave myself 100 days to finish a draft by. Well, the 100 days ended on Saturday and I still don't have a completed draft. Instead, I've got a few other things that I think will be helpful in the long term.

First of all, I've assembled 21 complete chapters, for a total of 233 pages of completed text. I'm around halfway through the plot, as well as the material I have generated since February 1. I've had to stop no less than three times before now to write an entire chapter from scratch; these chapters have been among the finest I've written.

I've assembled a good group of Beta readers. There are seven of them in total that have provided me with some degree of feedback, if only on the first couple of chapters. Just to reveal the demographics a little, there are two men and five women. The age range starts in the early twenties and goes all the way to the mid-forties. Two readers tear and rip the story to shreds, although they do so in different ways. Two read the story casually, much in the way most readers will read novels. Two have given me only the most basic of feedback, not quite tearing it to shreds, but not reading it casually either. The last has given me a wide range of perspectives to think about while writing.

Being on such a creative track has gotten me thinking about The Golden Hollow again, something I hadn't forgotten about in my mind, even though I'd done little writing on the subject in some time.

I've learned that in order to sell this thing, I don't have to play my hand. Only the men who are reading Vitamin F know the plot twist. One of the women is about to find out, but that's only because of how far she's progressed through the story. Over half of the readers don't yet know what this book is specifically about, but they are still enjoying it.

In about a week or so, I'll probably report on how that plot twist is recieved. I'm definately looking forward to that.

Fulfiling Promises

I thought I would go ahead and introduce you to Kadium, one of the central figures in the mythos of The Golden Hollow. Take a second and I'll fill in a few details.

Aside from the rustic qicture quality, you can see what he wears a large cloack over his armor and sits on a large throne, thinking a lot. Thinking's all he's done for a few hundred years. If you look close, you might also notice that his face is just as silver as the rest of his body. That's because he is the armor he's wearing. He's over seven feet tall, has all the qualifications of a demon, a robot, and a sorceror--even though he's an ancient being sealed inside another dimension.

In other news, one of my Vitamin F readers is on the cusp of reading the big plot twist. Remember? That little bit of information about Bridgett's chromosomes? It's exciting to get to find out a reader's honest reaction to that idea.

Finally, I might start posting a few of my shorter works online. I'm not sure if I will or not, but it's something I'm considering. If I decide to get it set up, I'll let you know.

Oh Really, Swan?

Today's been a banner day for Vitamin F progress.

Lyndsey gave me a few more notes on what she's read. She's even more pleased than she was before with the story and the characters. In an effort to help me, she asked a lesbian friend of hers to look over the first couple of chapters. The result was Lyndsey's friend sent me an author's name for the puposes of finding the right tone for a lesbian character. More on that in a bit.

I still get a lot of accolades for the History class sequences, those quick beats where I reveal the history of this world without going into a great deal of exposition. While putting together a sequence where the instructor talks about the Uprising to some degree, I stumbled upon a couple of things. The first was the name of the first Queen (or her mother, I haven't decided): Nancy Osteen. Nancy Osteen is a historical figure, a woman who went out into a frenzy of battle, methodically conquering North America, one small town at a time. The second thing I figured out came from the following text: "Nancy Osteen wanted her opressors to choke themselves with plague and contamination." When I wrote those words down, I realized the accelerated crash of the male genome was not a natural occurence.

Along that realm of thinking, I was doing some research on the author Lyndsey's friend had suggested: Rita Mae Brown. Aside from her starting her career as a novelist writing a book using a first person lesbian protagonist, Ms. Brown has had a most unique history. She was involved in the civil rights movement to a limited degree, she was one of the more outspoken participants in the feminist movement. She was also involved with a group who launched a feminist newsletter committed to--if you can believe this--gathering women together to isolate themselves from "men and men-loving women." Why? They thought patriarchal society was the source of all oppression.

After a little more digging, I learned that there were quite a few distinguished women that were members of groups with similar goals. A few of these even wanted to make militant efforts to achieve their goals (they've since recanted). I just find it interesting an odd that the outlandish fictional idea I came up with actually has a few real world parallels.

Female POV, Male voice

Despite all the odd trappings of Vitamin F, it's supposed to be a story about women, following women during their lives. One of my beta readers differs with me on this fact.

Lyndsey said that she felt the dialogue was a little stiff and a few cliches were used. She didn't say which ones. She was very intrigued by the plot (of the first two chapters). Her response, in a word, was postive. She asked me to send her more.

It was her explanation that, even though she was reading about a female character, she could sense the male writer behind the scenes. She doesn't know anything about the plot twist either. All she knows is that I made some subtle word choices that continuously remind her that "A GUY IS WRITING THIS."

I just wish I knew what those subtle word choices were. That way, I could make the audience forget about me and focus completely on the characters and story.

The Editing Blues

--Imagine the character Calhoun Tubbs (Old Blues Singer) from In Living Color while reading this post.

You know, I was trying to move forward with the editing of Vitamin F, but my readers needed me to move backward, which made me think, "Maybe I'll just stand still." Wrote a song 'bout it. Like to hear it?--Here it go.

"Editing a book isn't easy
"It's harder trying to go over three points at a time
"Ah-ahhh"

Thank ya very much!

And I was thinking about what might make things so rough in when I go to edit something else. It's not an easy thing I'm doing here, especially when I've been wondering if one of my characters might be going bad. Wrote a song 'bout it. Like to hear it?--Here it go.

"Trying to keep a character from going bad is tough
"At least she's not trying to destroy the world all at once
"Ah-ahhh"

Thank ya very much!

Now sometimes, I can be a little tough on myself about all this. I see some people doing well with their lives and think why I don't have that. I haven't wrote no song 'bout that, but I can try to make one up right now. Like to hear it?--Here it go.

"Some people are going around making money
"But I'm about to get a big fat raise and will some day make millions
"Ah-ahhh"

Thank ya very much!

(You know I'm just having fun. That's the joy of writing and editing in the middle of the night.)