Three Gears

I saw an episode of Chappelle's Show the other day where he had a sketch entitled "The Three Daves." It was just him poking fun at how his opinions have changed over the years. Now comes a similar style post from me, more about the mental states I can get into at any given time.

1. Lazy Ass. This is the lowest version of me. I'll procrastinate, make foolish claims to convince myself that I'm getting work done. That sort of thing.

2. Chronic Multitasker. This is second gear. I'm trying to do little bits of everything, or at least several things at any one given time. I get work done, but I'm constantly looking for motivation.

3. Thesis Mode. This is me going all out. I find what I want to work on and work on that, everyting else be damned. It is named for the project I have worked so diligently on for the past 8 weeks.

Alas, with any gear system, one can't stay in any gear all the time. I'm happy to say that I can keep in the Chronic Multitasker gear most of the time. With Spring Break last week, I did shift all the way from third to first, but I'm back in second today. Next week, I think I'll be in third again.

A Return to Normalcy

I say things are normal when you have as much good things going on as bad. When life is great and terrible. Balance.

I think I'm going to have to give up on finishing the thesis completely this semester. I'll get damn close, but I don't think I'm going to finish it off. There's a little matter of drafts of a paper. Drafts, that's what will decide when I can be done. I'm still on the cusp of finishing the research. When that's done, I'll do some quick numbers crunching and then type, type, type.

Through all this, I keep listening to music. The main thing I've been listening to is the third Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex soundtrack. On it, there's a song called "Christmas in the Silent Forest." It's weird, crazy, and about halfway capable of setting a mood or a creative visual. Then, on the same CD, there's another album by a singer named Eri Nobuchika; this album includes a song called "Forest of Dreams." It's good for half a mood and a setting too. Between the two, there's the start of a story, or at least a visual to drive a story.

I think I work best when I have a visual to drive the story forward. There's a goal for me, as well as the characters when that happens.

Random Questions

1. Are you wearing a necklace? No.
2. Does your computer have a mouse? Yes.
3. Do you have a cut in your nose? No.
4. What color is your shirt? Black.
5. How many bedrooms do you have in your house? Two, technically.
6. What song are you listening to? "Fear" by Sarah McLachlan.
7. What's the last mall you went to? West Park Mall, oooo.
8. Are you alone? Yes.
9. Do you have any older siblings? Yes.
10. What is the last thing you ate? Microwave pretzel
11. Who was/were the last person(s) to come to your house? Jonathan and Oscar.
12. Who was the last person to call you? Dan
13. Who was the last person who texted you? Freezer, about 2 years ago.
14. What time is it? See bottom.
15. What should you be doing? Many things.
16. Who is the last person you IMed? Jonathan.
17. Did you go out to eat yesterday? No.
18. What are you thinking right now? I'm very pleased with my signed Wonder Woman #195
19. What color are your pants? Black.
20. What color is your keyboard? Off-white
21. What do you feel like eating/drinking? A glass of Pepsi--be back in a second...

22. Are you in college? Not only am I in it, I teach it.
23. What is the last word you wrote? Can't remember, but I think it was about Colonel Zorg.
24. Are you bored? Why do you think I'm doing this?
25. How many teeth do you have? The right amount
26. Miss anyone right now? Always.
27. Do you wear glasses? Nope, I'm too stubborn.
28. What color are your shoes? Black, Black and silver, White and red.
29. Last thing you drank? I'm still working on the previously mentioned Pepsi.
30. Last thing you typed? Who needs Superman, we've got Hal
31. Who do you love? Dunno.
32. What are you doing right now? Not a damn thing and it sucks.
33. What time is it now? I think this was asked before...
34. What are you looking at? Ladies and gentlemen, the following question was asked by Legolas
35. What the last thing you said? "I knew it."
36. Do you have lip gloss on? No.
37. Do you have eyeliner on? No.
38. Do you have a cut on your pointer finger? No.
39. Where is your cell phone? In the other room.
40. Do you have any friends named Robbie? Not that I can think of at the moment.
41. Do you have any friends named Nikki? Does high school count?
42. Are you afraid of the dark? Sure, I wear a lot of black just so I can be scared of the dark
43. Did you watch the show "Are you afraid of the dark?" Never heard of it.
44. Are you crushing on someone right now? Not sure.
45. What shoe size are you? 11 to 12 depending on the company.
46. When was the last time you went on vacation? Wizard World Chicago, 2004, if that counts; two weeks earlier if not.

Improvement

Things are getting better.

Dad's out of the hospital. He sounds a lot better than he has over the past week. For a while, he'll have to go to Poplar Bluff for a total of 12 hours a week. But it's better and that's what's important.

My thesis is going in the right direction. I've discussed the current wave of progress with Dr. Scheibe and he approved of where things are and where they're going. Since he's the one I'll inevitably have to satisfy, that's a really good thing.

Stay positive everybody. It might sound cheesy, but it has its benefits.

Why I Hate Infinite Crisis, Part 5

DAMMIT! I'm sick of having to make these posts, but if I don't, who'll express my rage over the going-on in the Detective Comics Comics Universe.

SPOILERS AHEAD! If you haven't read Teen Titans #33 yet, do not read any further.

I read the latest issue of Teen Titans, as I'm sure you've guessed. Why did I get it? Because it seemed interesting. Nightwing. Superboy. Wonder Girl. A surprise guest star who really enjoys the concept of "Conflict."

This issue was entitled, "The Opening Sequence of Infinte Crisis #6 Stretched To Fill 22 Pages"--I'm sorry, that's what it should have been called. This issue is a really drawn out form of Nightwing and Superboy doing a quick recon run on the Anti-Monitor Corpse/Tower. Wow. I just told you the main plot of the issue in one sentence. It was good, I enjoyed it, great character interaction, but was it necessary? I'll let everyone judge for themselves.

Now I always like to find a good point about the overall Infinte Crisis when I make these posts, and this one is no different. You may have heard me mention this big Ares subplot that had been forming since Greg Rucka's fifth or sixth issue of Wonder Woman. With the Helenic Pantheon (that's the Greek Gods, kids) "leaving" this plane, I couldn't help but think it was all for naught.

Guess what? Ares has a way back in. Observant readers will see that he now has a Champion. Bad news for Diana. Pity she doesn't know. (FYI, A Champion of the Gods is either a badass or a badass that's bad news; it all depends on the Patron, in this case, Ares.)

More bad news for Diana. The Champion of Conflict--Cassie Sandsmark, AKA Wonder Girl. This is just all kinds of bad for Wonder Woman since she's the Champion of Wisdom. More on that in a moment.

Back to what I didn't like (although this is near the end of it all). When discussing the departure of the Gods, Ares says this to Wonder Girl in Teen Titans #33: "Zeus, the greedy deity our father is, is taking all of his power with him. Including that of his mortal children."

If Zeus was in charge of Olympus, that would really impact Cassie. But, last time I checked, the Lord of Olympus went by the name of Athena, Goddess of Wisdom. Diana and Cassie's boss. Apparently, Geoff Johns didn't get the memo from the continuity cop...

Wait a second. Geoff Johns IS the continutiy cop. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Geoff Johns, the Barney Fife of comics continuity. He means well, knows the basics of what to do, is loyal, and will come through in a pinch. But on day to day stuff, he only gets one bullet for a reason.

I've been processing everything that's been going on with Infinte Crisis and Wonder Woman during all this. I've found a lot of inconsistencies. Most recently before today was Infinite Crisis #5. Earth-2 Wonder Woman showed up and told Diana that she "hasn't been human in a long time." Bullshit. I've seen more sympathy, caring, and compassion from Diana in her book than Superman has of late. I say anyone who thinks Diana hasn't been human in a long time hasn't really been paying attention to her book.

That's the point right there. "Paying attention to her book." When this all got started, back in the days of me promoting Infinite Crisis, Wonder Woman was my favorite comic book. By association, in part, I got attached to other parts of the DC Universe because of it. Starting with issue #2 of Infinite Crisis, that started to change because the story started to change. It went away from what was working for it and became some bastard amalgamation of Greg Rucka Wonder Woman, stereotypical Wonder Woman, and being forced through the plot of a big crossover.

Even though it isn't over yet, I'm going to put together a list of answers to the following question:

Why do I hate Infinte Crisis?

1. It killed my favorite comic book, Wonder Woman, in terms of storyline and publication.
2. It maimed, if not killed, my ability to fully support DC instead of Marvel.
3. It made me continually lower my opinion of a writer I held in high regard, Geoff Johns.
4. It jaded me toward comics in general--I actually thought about stopping completely at one point because of this.
5. It made me go from being interested in an older story, Crisis on Infinite Earths, to never wanting to read it.

Thankfully, Infinite Crisis has been focusing more on the characters who should be focused on, so I'm finding more reasons to enjoy it. If it wasn't for that, I'd have stopped reading completely after issue #4. Honestly. Maybe I'll find something good to say about it the next time I speak of it.

Survival

For obvious reasons, I've thought about this concept quite a bit in the past few days, not only in the physical sense but also in a more subjective sense.

In order to physically survive today, we'll actually use cybernetics. Prosthetic limbs, artificial hearts, insulin pumps, dialysis machines--these are all cybernetics, all designed to help people survive. Honestly, if you think about those things I mentioned as cybernetics, you might see that there's a lot more plausability with something like "auto-mail." (If you've seen/read FullMetal Alchemist, then you know what I'm talking about.)

Subejective survival, I take to be acheiving goals, finding personal satisfaction, those sort of things. After fighting time, exhaustion, and availability yesterday/last night/this morning, I think I'm getting closer and closer to getting my Master's Degree.

In short, to survive, we must maintain the will to keep going.

I Told Myself So

This is gonna be a long one.

When this semester started and I saw exactly how much work I would have to do in order to finish this semester (and I'd better), I knew this would be one of the defining times of my life. In these few months, I would prove more of who I really am than I ever have before. I couldn't have been more right, and the semester is far from over.

First of all, I'm reporting directly from the lovely Geoscience Computer lab, the only place I know of that has the ArcGIS suite of programs I need to finish analyzing my thesis data. I've been here for 6 hours already and I'll probably be here for 4 more. (To save you the math, I'll be here probably until 2AM.) Even more fun is the fact that I've only run one analysis since I've gotten here and it hasn't even finished yet.

I knew I'd have to devote a lot of time, including Sundays, to working on my thesis. Here I am. I've done the weekend's grading while I wait. I can also work on summaries for Conservation Biology (more on that in a minute) or read one of two books: The Black Company or FullMetal Alchemist vol. 2 (manga).

Next up is Conservation Biology. I've had to go on 2 field trips for the class (reduced from 3) in the past week. The first was to Pioneer Forest, an uneven growth forest. They don't clear-cut for the most part, yet they still manage to make a profit. It's an impressive, beautiful place; I wish I'd brought a camera or a sketch book.

So yesterday, I took two cameras and a sketchbook with me to the St. Louis Zoo, the second field trip I went on for Conservation Biology. I saw a presentation on conservation in zoos and a detailed presentation on the inner workings of the primate house. My regrets were not seeing the tigers--since I just really like tigers--and the giant anteaters. I wanted to see the giant anteaters because I'm basing the cavalry mounts in Ashes of War on them. They're fast, weird, powerful animals.

Prematurely, sleep is going away. I knew that in a large part of the month of March, I would get less sleep than usual. Too much to do in too little time. But I should tell you why I used the word "prematurely."

Just before 7AM on Friday, the phone rang, waking me. Before I picked it up, I knew something was wrong. Then, Mom told me that Dad was in the hospital. His kidneys are officially worn, in the past tense, out. From that point on, we've known dialysis would be in the future, at least the near future.

It's not just the near future. The doctors aren't happy with his blood pressure and the stability of his heart. They think something minor is wrong with it. And the test they've used to see what's going on... well, if Dad's kidneys weren't shot before, they are now. Starting tomorrow, Dad's getting dialysis treatments daily for three days, and probably regularly after that. Still, I don't like that these doctors are, as far as I know using an average blood pressure as a basis for my Dad's treatment, or anyone else's. You know how many people in the world are average? Zero.

I could be a lot worse, a hell of a lot worse. Dad is in as good of spirits as can be considering the situation. April drove Mom to St. Louis and is just distressed over the whole situation. Mom... she's either going to weather the storm or she's going to totally lose it. I'm leaning toward weather the storm because she pointed out that, "When your Dad was diagnosed with diabetes, we thought it was the end of the world, but we've gotten through it; we'll get through this too." I'm inclined to agree.

Right now, we're just glad things are going as well as they are. Dad is feeling better since he's been at the hospital, except that he's wanting someone to tell him he can go home. And sometime next week, things will get back toward normal for my family.

I've told this to several people I know already. I've explicitly been told by a couple that they'll keep my Dad in their prayers; not all those have even met my family. From all sides possible, I've seen a lot of support. My friends, you've supported me and I thank you. Mom's friends have been supportive of her. And so on.

Basically, I'm a rock. I'm sticking to my guns with everything right now. This computer says it's 11:08 right now. I just checked the program I'm running. After doing a little math, I'm 75% of the way done. These are all slow-going processes and they'll all be solved in time. As long as I don't have to go wandering around these buildings any more tonight, I can wait it out. Around my office, it's like a weird horror movie. I got lots of great ideas for horror sequences from it.

Honor. Willpower. Tenacity. Reliability. Brutal Honesty. Someday, I might tell the tale about that last one, but I'm not willing to tell it today. See you on the other side of the analysis!

Gambatte kudasai--"Keep your chin up."

Honor and Idiocy

I thought I'd take a moment to say a few more words about how I see honor in a broad view and in terms of my writing. Of course, I can't talk about honor in a broad view unless I mention the main thing that stands against honor (if such a thing is possible), idiocy.

First, some definitions. Honor, we know, or know enough to just start talking about it. Idiot, on the other hand, has an interesting definition. That is "one who makes sense only to themselves." I take that as the term quite literally. That way, being an idiot is as easy as being moral or happy--anyone can do it.

Why do I say these things are at odds, you may ask? In my mind, honor requires a degree of relatability to others. Other people have to recognize honor when confronted with it, even if they don't agree with that honor. An idiot... well, idiots only make sense to themselves.

When people see idiots, they dismiss them and their opinions. Why? Because it's assumed that those opinions aren't worth worrying about and have no bearing on "the real world" or "logic." The honorable are usually revered by those who follow them. Those who fall between those extremes may have support, but not as profound as the support given to those who are honorable.

Take for instance DC's "Big Three." From my point of view, two of these have honor and the third does not. All three of these figures are heroes, great in their own way. Batman has sworn to defend the innocent from being preyed upon by urban crime, all without killing; I say Batman has honor, even if it results in killer satellites sometimes. Wonder Woman may be a steadfast warrior, but she preaches the words of peace more than she kicks ass (and she kicks a lot of ass); Diana has honor. Superman--he's a very moral man, standing for truth, justice, and the American way; I don't think he could have honor if he tried.

Both Wonder Woman and Batman have to struggle with what they believe. Their sense of honor gets them through the tough decisions they have to make. Superman has heard about having a moral crisis, but I don't think he's ever had one. He is assured of his morality and his beliefs, plus he's got so much power that he'll never think for a second that he's wrong.

This distinction between Batman and Superman, I think, is one of the key reasons why Batman is a guaranteed big seller, full of tons of popularity, while Superman is seen by many to be boring. Which also shows you don't need honor to be great, but it helps.

When I write, I know the motivations of my characters. To some degree, I'll unconsciously know if they have honor or not. I know, deep down, those characters who have honor in my writing will eventually gain true victory over their enemies, especially those without honor.

Looking again at "The Golden Hollow," Commander has a deep, twisted sense of honor. I hope those of you who have read it have seen this sense outside of where another character mentions that honor. Kadon has conviction, but he doesn't really have honor. Kadon knows what he wants and what he cares about, but he doesn't really have a true sense of honor. If he did, everything that comes after Commander and Kadon's duel would have been drastically different.