Break It Down Again

I get pulled into this whirlwind from time to time and I do what I can to control it.

I had a friend recently hook up with a woman who I don't think was worth his time. A destructive sort of individual that just made me see how easy it is to have dreams taken away. It got me working on Vitamin F in a way I haven't in a while. I'd been working on it, but not with strict regularity and diligence.

Of course, I've had something else play out as well. I'm trying to let go of someone close to my heart but not my life. It's one of those things I need to do so I can be free enough to be happy, but damn it, it just feels wrong sometimes. To put it in a little perspective, I don't know the moment I became friends--not acquaintances, but friends--with any of my friends, except for one.

How can I put my feelings for someone aside in my heart as well as in my life? I've had to shield my real feelings for Lyndsey from her for a long time. I don't know how to really do that without putting aside the feelings of friendship I have for her as well. It's a difficult thing and I don't want to think that I've just squandered or lost a real friend just because I couldn't really come to terms with the fact that, well, I can't have her.

That being said, it could easily be just a feeling I have for the moment. It could pass in time. Things could improve and I may even, someday find an awesome girl to be close friends with. But right now, I'm going to try and just worry about my writing. That's what's going to get me everything I really want in the long term anyway.