Needing to Vent
This may or may not have anything to do with my writing; I'll let history be the judge of that.
When I went to work this morning, I was in terrible pain from this screwed up tooth. When I say terrible pain, well, it was bad. I threw what I could at the pain, from pills to oral treatments. Eventually, it subsided. Those few times I felt it coming back, I managed to put it back down by reassuring myself that, if I let Lyndsey know that I was on vacation next week, maybe I'd actually get a chance to talk to her for a while outside of work.
Didn't happen. I told her, but she has no time during the semester. And I'm just a bit pissed about that. Granted, I know she's a busy person, busier than most people should be. I'm just irritated that I couldn't get to spend time with my friend.
Now, I'm fooling myself. To say that I wanted to spend time with my friend is like saying James Bond just wants to do his civic duty. Not only is it an understatement, it's also hiding something much more substantial. For me, that means that I'm fighting with my attraction to this wonderful girl, a girl who can talk to me on a wavelength of understanding that I've never had with anyone before. Lyndsey understands me in ways no one else does, just like I've seen a side to her that she doesn't show other people.
It's not just the part that only I see that interests me. Everything that Lyndsey is has appeal to me. That's why this is so difficult. I don't see her as someone that, should I be lucky enough to more than friends with, I would get just about everything I've ever really wanted as far as relationships go. I'm going to have to tell her the truth and that's something I really am afraid of--it could result in me being happy or in me going back into that darkness.
When I went to work this morning, I was in terrible pain from this screwed up tooth. When I say terrible pain, well, it was bad. I threw what I could at the pain, from pills to oral treatments. Eventually, it subsided. Those few times I felt it coming back, I managed to put it back down by reassuring myself that, if I let Lyndsey know that I was on vacation next week, maybe I'd actually get a chance to talk to her for a while outside of work.
Didn't happen. I told her, but she has no time during the semester. And I'm just a bit pissed about that. Granted, I know she's a busy person, busier than most people should be. I'm just irritated that I couldn't get to spend time with my friend.
Now, I'm fooling myself. To say that I wanted to spend time with my friend is like saying James Bond just wants to do his civic duty. Not only is it an understatement, it's also hiding something much more substantial. For me, that means that I'm fighting with my attraction to this wonderful girl, a girl who can talk to me on a wavelength of understanding that I've never had with anyone before. Lyndsey understands me in ways no one else does, just like I've seen a side to her that she doesn't show other people.
It's not just the part that only I see that interests me. Everything that Lyndsey is has appeal to me. That's why this is so difficult. I don't see her as someone that, should I be lucky enough to more than friends with, I would get just about everything I've ever really wanted as far as relationships go. I'm going to have to tell her the truth and that's something I really am afraid of--it could result in me being happy or in me going back into that darkness.
Labels: Commanding Thoughts
posted by LEN! at 11:39 PM
3 Comments:
Whatever you decide with that, good luck. Lord knows you deserve happiness.
Rhetorical question time!
What made Lyndsey and I become friends, rather than simply acquaintances?
What have I known for some time would be the mechanism to finding a nice girl to spend some time with?
For both things, the answer is [i]Vitamin F[/i]. Which is why I think I'm going to spend my vacation next week writing Draft Three of [i]Vitamin F[/i].
And thank you, Jack. You're a good friend.
Are you ever going to give us an update on things?
Post a Comment
<< Home