On Edge

For the past few weeks, I've been more tense than I've been in a long time. I'm not entirely sure why. My increased tension began... I'm not sure when. All I know, is that I've been tense for a few weeks now, mentally and physically. My tension has put me on edge, making me more strained and irritable. I've been a bit of an ass lately--I know a few people have been thinking it, even though no one has said it. It's not that I'm totally stressed out. I'm feeling strung out, though.

Actually... earlier today, I had the thought that there's something good missing from my life, and I have no clue what it is. Maybe now that I realize this, I can make that gap shrink, or plug it completely. Thoughts?

Wonder Woman #219...

She's gotten her sight back, she's had something of a happy ending. Then Max Lord took control of Superman's mind and made him attack Batman. Then it got worse. And Wonder Woman finally decided to step in and save Superman from himself.

She did. And Superman won't forgive her for it. It's bad for the DC universe, and me and every other person reading DC stuff right now is getting high quality storytelling.

It left me speechless. That's all I'll say.

Why send one when you can send two?

That was the idea that popped into my head at the end of last week. I need to start shipping "Blood Draw" around--that's the vampire gunfight I've been working on--and I thought I'd try another avenue with "The Golden Hollow."

Persistence is the better part of valor. Maybe. Here's hoping.

Examining EXODUS

No, I didn't drop the novel I've been reading to read some fire and brimstone from the Old Testament. The Exodus in question is the album Exodus by Utada Hikaru. Andrea sent me a copy of the CD for my birthday. I had an interesting discussion about some of the lyrics last week--lyrics that combine Japanese language use and Japanese open-mindedness. The lyrics we discussed we "provocative" in nature--she was talking about sex in very unique terms.

While we discussed the interesting lyrical decisions, I reminded myself that there were songs on this CD that weren't about sex (thank god). There are songs about music, poetry, and other subjective qualities. A few songs interested me more than those we discussed, so I looked up their lyrics. I only thought I liked those songs. Allow me to share a few pieces....

An easy place to start is with the song "Devil Inside," which may also become a partial label to the tales of Commander. Of interest to me was this:

"Maybe there's a devil (or something like it) inside
Maybe there's a devil (or something like it) inside of me...
Maybe there's a devil somewhere really deep inside me...
Jealous angel deep inside me"

OK, this is obviously saying maybe there's something inside me that's bad. The concepts of dual natures and dark sides of the soul aren't new at all. It just resonates with me because that's one of the basic ideals that the characters and world of Commander have to deal with. Many characters Commander interacts with, as well as himself, have hidden aspects. Good people have hidden dark sides, bad people have hidden light sides. Let's continue.

Another song that has some neat lyrics is "Kremlin Dusk." The music in it makes me think of the end sequence of The Bourne Supremacy, when Matt Damon is walking alone in the highway tunnel, leaving the collateral damage behind him. On to Utada's lyrics:

"I run a secret propaganda
Aren't we all hiding pieces of broken anger
I'm just trying to remember who I can call
Can I call

"Born in a war of opposite attraction
It isn't, or is it a natural conception
Torn by the arms of opposte reaction
It isn't or is it a Modernist reaction"

There are things that all people want. Most of those things leave an anger, a dissapointment, or at last an emotional scar. And sometimes, things work out. This section is, to me, an example of the hidden pain we have all had to go through, or perhaps will go through, in our various relationships. There's a growing pace with the music at this point that just drives the lyrics in deeper. I expect there will come a day that I write a confrontation in a story to this song.

I wrote "The Golden Hollow" based off a few words I could translate and musical imagery. Imagine what I could write based on this. Or don't, let me do it instead.

The Thrill of Victory and The Agony of Defeat

Another shameless plug--I picked up the new collection of Moble Suit Gundam: The 08th MS Team on Friday. It's a great series, and the only Gundam series that takes place during the One Year War that's worth watching. The original Moble Shit Gundam, isn't worth... well anything, and I like old anime.

Today, I played in the marquee tournament for the latest Marvel HeroClix set. The local shark, Nathan, was absent, so the playing field was more or less even. Marquee tournaments require three boosters, and as a result, 300 point teams. My team consisted of veteran Ghost Rider, veteran Karma, experienced Iron Fist, and rookie Green Goblin. I played in a couple of games which were both challenges for me, yet I pulled out a victory each time.

In fact, when all was said and done, I was called to collect an LE prize. Within a minute, someone asked, "Who won?" Having the LE Juggernaut in my hand, that made me the winner. I was a little surprised until I realized I had a perfect record and I don't think anyone else did. If anyone else had the same record, then I supposed the points they earned didn't match up my taking the opposing team in each game. However, I say again, the matches I played were challenging. I had to work for every point I earned.

Later, after doing some running around, I ended up playing video games with Oscar and Lt. Dan. And when it comes to video games played against other people, boy do I suck. I fared better than I did the other times I've gone over there, but I still got my ass handed to me.

Standing up to myself

In high school, I didn't advocate cruising since I thought it was a waste of gas. Last Friday, the post-gaming talk-fest went to 1AM Saturday, when Ken came back to the store to pick up some stuff; we were still inside. When my friends gather, they may want to do aimless things, but I'd like to do something.

Closing the comic book store today, I felt like I should wrap things up and get the doors locked. After doing so, several of my freinds were still around and had nothing to do. I hadn't eaten at that point and wanted to correct that. Everyone was the usual, indecisive, so I started making ultimatums; "decide what you're doing in 30 seconds, or I'm leaving." That kind of stuff. I was harsh, but I didn't want another afternoon/night/early morning of doing next to nothing if I wasn't feeling up to it. At the time, I wasn't. After a while that changed, everyone gathered at my place, and we had a fine discussion.

I think the world of my friends, but I need to not always hang out because it's easy. If I do, I won't get as much writing done--and I managed to crank out 2 pages late last night. Basically, don't do anything that takes hours unless you've gotten soemthing to eat before you start. I learned that the hard way.

In other news, Andrea sent me a copy of the latest Utada Hikaru CD. Utada is an eclectic singer from Japan, which, if you know a lot about Japanese culture, is saying a lot. Good music. Thanks again, Andrea.

Howl, Tantrum, and the Half-Noisy Crowd

Let's start with what's foremost in my mind: Howl's Moving Castle. I finally saw it, since it showed up at the local theater last weekend as "summer filler." Summer filler, my ass! This is one of the two best movies I've seen this year (the other one also featured Christian Bale as the title character). It had everything--Magic, Machines, and Miyazaki.

Sadly, the movie will only be local to me for a week, which ends two days from now. It came out the same week as Batman Begins in "wide release," but it hasn't been targeted locally to me because "there's no market for it." That wouldn't be the case if Disney actually used the effort that it's spending on all it's 3-D animation flops; everywhere would become a Miyazaki market at the very least, if not open to more anime. And Disney would look like the innovative company once again. But that makes too much sense. Let's market some crap instead!

I mentioned the Tantrum again because I'm starting to get a handle on how the character works aside from any baggage that comes with it. Now I just have to figure out the motivations of Lilith, being the Tantrum's boss and all.

For my final topic, I like to go to bookstores, but I've been avoiding them since Saturday, due to the release of the latest Harry Potter book. (Warning: Harry Potter ranting is imminent.) It's wonderful that kids are reading more than they used to. Growing up, I was in a small minority of males who were always reading, or were about to be reading. Reading is life on my Mom's side of the family. My grandmother, Marge Edwards, got all her kids started reading, who got all their kids started reading. People need to read more often.

That being said, I think Harry Potter.... My problems with the books have nothing to do with the books, and everything to do with the fans. Ever since seeing the movie Harry Potter and the Chamber of Shut the Hell Up, the sequel to Harry Potter and the Philospher's Noisemaker, and prequel to Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Incessant Chatter, I've felt like Harry Potter fans need to learn how to shut up. I appreciate fandom and discussion of things that are beloved. I do it all the time. But there seems to be this hive mentality when Harry Potter fans get together and start talking about it. There seems to be a mentality of "literally everyone loves this story and is fully addicted to it, so we don't have to worry about anyone around not knowing every line by heart."

From what I can tell, these books are a pseudo-modern retelling of The Lord of the Rings, based around children. 1. I don't relate to children 99.9% of the time; I never have, even when I was one. 2. If I want to read The Lord of the Rings, well, why would I read a blantant knockoff? 3. Hype isn't good for anyone--stick with the facts of why it's good. 4. I'll never like Harry Potter.

I said it. And almost everyone I know of that's ever looked at this web log just thought, in some part of their brain, "Sacrelige!" I'll never like Harry Potter, for something that would only be of minor interest to me, so many people (read: a full movie theater minus one person), have ruined any chance of me being able to just enjoy the story for what it is.

I'll just take my deplorable, sadistic anime and let everybody else have their devil-worshipping prose. And if you can't tell I'm joking about that last bit, then I feel for us all.

Redefining the Tantrum, part 2

I wrote a quick scene a couple of days ago, trying to redo the aforementioned section from scratch. My approach to it was simple--I'll just write that section as though it were it's own story.

I've heard that once something is written in its first draft, a writer has to be willing to change it if the story demands it. This time around, I'm letting that concept rule completely. Sarah, the current iteration of the Tantrum, was originally written as--I'll just come out with it! The character, physically at least, was supposed to look like Sarah McLachlan (I'd just discovered her music when I started writing this story). Underneath, she wasn't. Honestly. I'm not lying.

Sarah, the Tantrum, as a character, hasn't changed for me where her personality is concerned. Her outward appearance, I've decided to change. Instead of being "ageless" and "brunette," I think she's going to look like she's in her late 20s, is going to show off her figure a little more, and is blonde.

Why have I changed her this way? My real point with this story wasn't to make a Sarah McLachlan superhero, it was to make a character who is an iteration of one of two women Commander is/has been in love with. I wanted to draw out that conflict, Commander dealing with a girl he really loves, but he's not sure which one she is. Plus, instead of being put in the position of just a friend, the Tantrum is openly attracted to him, which I deal with.

That's it for now. Watch Battlestar Galactica!

Redefining the Tantrum

Most characters in a comic book-like setting have superhero- or villain-like names. In the first Commander novel that I've written a draft of, one of the key characters is called the Tantrum. It's more of a title used to define this heavenly demon slayer. That's not as weird as half the stuff in that book right now; weird should be expected from a college freshman (what I was when I wrote the novel).

I've been looking at some of that material from Life Is Pain again. The overall story, as insane as it might be, works very well, except for a section right before the last bit of rising action (if you go for that kind of thing) starts. It's a totally subjective conflict and journey through reality and Commander's mind. I know, it's really messed up. The main idea with the Tantrum is that she's on this holy mission which may or may not disrupt who and what Commander is. The sequence I think is weak has Commander dealing firmly with Tantrum's holy mission and how the two of them relate to one another.

This was partially true when I thought of the Tantrum when I was first writing about her, but I think it's even more true now: The Tantrum is an amalgamation of a lot of girls I was close to in my first couple of years in college or before. In the story, Commander always looks at the Tantrum as though he was looking at one of his oldest friends, even though he's just met this woman. I was an evaluation, by Commander, of one of the most basic human experiences, which was denied to him.

I've been trying to remember this character and what makes her work. I realized... well, the past three paragraphs. What that really means, is that this is me assessing several girls I've known and been close to, especially those from years back that I had feelings for. For those of you who have read "The Golden Hollow," you can probably guess the name of one of those girls.

There's a segment in this section where Commander sees another version of one of his friends that the Tantrum reminds him of. When he sees her, she's asleep next to her boyfriend, who is naturally not Commander. He has to see this and realize, "I can't be with her." And I get to go back and work on a sequence that peaks with this kind of realization.

This needs to be the fuel for this sequence when Commander deals with the Tantrum and, by default, deals with his own past insecurities when it comes to girls he's been interested in. I think there's potential with the overall story, the story that makes up this screwed up section, and the idea of the Tantrum. It's not something easy to explain, but I think I'm making progress just posting about it, since that's what I'm probably going to work on next. (But don't rule out Ashes of War or anything else just yet.)

Building Thoughts

I've decided if I ever have the power to have a movie made based on some other source material in the science fiction genre, I'd go for a live action, US made RahXephon movie. I think I could do it justice. I'm listening to one of my RahXephon CDs right now, trying to get myself motivated.

You'd think someone who made driver's liscenses for a living could tell if one was real or a fake. Between that and the inablility for them to take a copy of my birth cerificate, I have to make another drive to collect that.

I feel like I'm in a calm rut right now... and just above my head, there's all kinds of stuff going on. I can't decide if I want to rewrite some Commander stuff, write more of Ashes of War, or sort something out in between everything. Thoughts?

A Fistful Of Rain

I've finished reading my first Greg Rucka novel, and it was spectacular. A Fistful Of Rain was one of the best books I've read in a while, as well as one of the fastest reads. I took just under a week to read the whole thing, half of which I did on July 4th. It was great. Go read Greg Rucka.