Wedding = Chaos (IV--Photograph Retrospective)

I've seen the products of the various cameras used at my sister's wedding. Here's what I noticed:

1. "I'm going to take a picture of myself! I'm so cool!" No, you're not.

2. "Who are these people?"

3. "Here's a great idea--let's all take pictures of the same thing." "OK, what?" "Random people dancing." "Greatest pictures ever!"

4. "Look at April fix her plate! We want them to remember this forever."

5. People do crazy shit at weddings.

6. This was in a lot of pictures, so I think I'll just address it en masse here. Remember, Christa, the girl who danced upon me or attacked me, depending on your point of view? Yeah. If you remember, then you realize I never dance. People saw me dance and I never dance. That's why there are no less than 40 pictures of me dancing with this girl. And she is staring at me doe-eyed in every one of them.

Plus! She caught the bouquet. (Fuck, this just looks worse for me in retrospect.) That's why I've created this fun equation:

Wedding + Female guest + Bouquet - Inhibitions + Dancing = I pity whoever dances with her.

Shit. That was me. Which is why I thank God that I was family, which meant automatic cleaning detail. Because that was shit I don't want.

Silver Lining: Christa from the wedding is an incoming freshman in college. Lauren that I've got my eye on is a junior. I suddenly do not fear for my life from some crazy girl.