Sabotage
I've got plenty of plans or ideas these days that have been wrecked, perhaps purposefully. No matter what I do I can't get anything done with my thesis, I can't get any more classes added to my schedule (not for lack of trying any more), I can't get much done with the work I have to do for the class I'm in this semester, and I can't get much writing done (some, but not much).
Part of this is due to the political machinations of the Biology Department. My opinion of politics hasn't changed any since I ranted about it previously. It sucks and the quicker I'm not part of it, the better.
Found the common thread of reasoning in all that? I have. I know exactly who is sabotaging me. One person above all others is doing everythign in their power to stop me from getting anything done. And I'll tell you who this person is. Look at the very top of this page. The very first name you see is the name of the person who is sabotaging me.
No one, not even me, really believed me all the times when I said I hated myself. My desire to write takes away from my time in working on my thesis. My thesis takes away from working on the class I teach. The class I teach takes away from the class I take. The class I take takes away from my writing. It's a vicious cycle and there are a lot more tangents, but I think you get the point.
In all that, there's a student, a teacher, a scientist, and a writer. Which will succeed? Which will fail? I hate this shit. I want it to end.
Part of this is due to the political machinations of the Biology Department. My opinion of politics hasn't changed any since I ranted about it previously. It sucks and the quicker I'm not part of it, the better.
Found the common thread of reasoning in all that? I have. I know exactly who is sabotaging me. One person above all others is doing everythign in their power to stop me from getting anything done. And I'll tell you who this person is. Look at the very top of this page. The very first name you see is the name of the person who is sabotaging me.
No one, not even me, really believed me all the times when I said I hated myself. My desire to write takes away from my time in working on my thesis. My thesis takes away from working on the class I teach. The class I teach takes away from the class I take. The class I take takes away from my writing. It's a vicious cycle and there are a lot more tangents, but I think you get the point.
In all that, there's a student, a teacher, a scientist, and a writer. Which will succeed? Which will fail? I hate this shit. I want it to end.
posted by LEN! at 1:41 PM
1 Comments:
Sometimes parts of me that are usually at odds can work together and get something done.
I've finally, after a long time, got a schedule for next semester. There are some things I don't like about it, but I know a good portion of what to expect from it.
And before anybody tries to say I don't hate myself, I'll say that a lot of creative people have varying degrees of self-hatred (Can you say "David Letterman?"). It ends up making the work better.
Speaking of work, I'd best get back to it.
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