A Novel Experience
Today, July 12, 2006--I know it says differently at the bottom--was a pretty standard day.
I got up, had breakfast, went to the comic book store to look at the new comics. Talked about movies, comics, anything that came up. Went and got something to eat later on, as well as picked up the newest Stand Alone Complex DVD. Then I talked on the phone with a few people and everything was cool.
Then I checked my e-mail and it all came crashing down. The more I examine my life over the last few months, the more I think that I need to stop wanting things from other people. I want to get a job, so I turn in an application, which doesn't get read or responded to and I nearly have a nervous breakdown. On a side note, I'm planning on hitting that up that avenue of thought again soon.
As I said, I checked my e-mail. It's well known that I wanted to hear something from Dr. Scheibe about my thesis. I e-mailed him about it and told him as much. He actually e-mailed me back. He gave me a list, likely a partial list, of three items that I could work on. For each of these things, there's only a 50% chance at best of me being able to do it.
Give an account of swamp rabbit distribution in specific detail I can do; give references for, sorry out of my price range since I need the free variety.
Go through a list of another student's sites and list locations where I think there should be swamp rabbits; not likely. I'm not sure he can make much sense out of the directions to the sites, I know I can't, which is why my thesis is built around GIS now.
Put all latitude and longitude data into an appendix, I can do. Put it all on a plat or topographic map, I'm not so sure.
There's a concept in animal behavior known as giving up density. It states that an animal will only forage for resources in a specific place under specific conditions for so long before giving up and leaving. The animal says "it's not worth it for me to do this." I'm almost to that point. It won't take much more for me to completely give up on the thesis. I'm broke, I feel like I've stolen money from my sister and grandparents, committed fraud, and have gained nothing from it.
I feel my sanity slipping away. I'm not just saying that either. I can think of about five people who have witnessed my actual mental state when it comes to my thesis. To have any chance of retaining my sanity and/or dodging my nervous breakdown, I'm going to have to go find the campus counseling office and take advantage of the free therapists. Happy Birthday Me.
On that note, check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nervous_breakdown and look over my recent posts concerning my thesis work. I did and I'm curious as to what you might think.
I got up, had breakfast, went to the comic book store to look at the new comics. Talked about movies, comics, anything that came up. Went and got something to eat later on, as well as picked up the newest Stand Alone Complex DVD. Then I talked on the phone with a few people and everything was cool.
Then I checked my e-mail and it all came crashing down. The more I examine my life over the last few months, the more I think that I need to stop wanting things from other people. I want to get a job, so I turn in an application, which doesn't get read or responded to and I nearly have a nervous breakdown. On a side note, I'm planning on hitting that up that avenue of thought again soon.
As I said, I checked my e-mail. It's well known that I wanted to hear something from Dr. Scheibe about my thesis. I e-mailed him about it and told him as much. He actually e-mailed me back. He gave me a list, likely a partial list, of three items that I could work on. For each of these things, there's only a 50% chance at best of me being able to do it.
Give an account of swamp rabbit distribution in specific detail I can do; give references for, sorry out of my price range since I need the free variety.
Go through a list of another student's sites and list locations where I think there should be swamp rabbits; not likely. I'm not sure he can make much sense out of the directions to the sites, I know I can't, which is why my thesis is built around GIS now.
Put all latitude and longitude data into an appendix, I can do. Put it all on a plat or topographic map, I'm not so sure.
There's a concept in animal behavior known as giving up density. It states that an animal will only forage for resources in a specific place under specific conditions for so long before giving up and leaving. The animal says "it's not worth it for me to do this." I'm almost to that point. It won't take much more for me to completely give up on the thesis. I'm broke, I feel like I've stolen money from my sister and grandparents, committed fraud, and have gained nothing from it.
I feel my sanity slipping away. I'm not just saying that either. I can think of about five people who have witnessed my actual mental state when it comes to my thesis. To have any chance of retaining my sanity and/or dodging my nervous breakdown, I'm going to have to go find the campus counseling office and take advantage of the free therapists. Happy Birthday Me.
On that note, check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nervous_breakdown and look over my recent posts concerning my thesis work. I did and I'm curious as to what you might think.
posted by LEN! at 12:26 AM
2 Comments:
Hmm, well I can see the parts about academic stress and perhaps career burnout as causes.
I'm not so sure I've noticed extreme anger or confusion. You seem to understand what the hell is going on pretty clearly. Namely, that the people who are supposed to be helping you get this done aren't stepping up, and they seem to be giving the impression that your thesis is considerably less important to them than it is to you.
Personally, i describe your response as severe frustration, rather than anger, but I think I have some anger issues of my own, so I'm probably not best suited to make that judgement.
This feeling that you're stealing from your family members is a bit troubling, since you seem to be a victim of circumstances beyond your control, since you have no way to make these guys show up and give the assistance they're supposed to.
You're right about me being a victim of circumstances beyond my control. Another friend pointed out to me today that I wasn't stopped from participating in graduation in May. Also, I was told by others with official standing that I was nearly finished with everything and about ready to defend this thing. It's not my fault that I'm told something that turns out to not be true.
Severe frustration. Yeah, that probably fits better, even though the term severe gets used a lot more than it probably should be.
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