Epic Battle! Time--1; Len--0
My main opponent right now is time. I'm always fighting against it in some way, shape, or form. I try to write and plan for the future and time compacts everything to the point where something gets trimmed. Writing gets trimmed, thesis gets trimmed, reading gets trimmed--everything gets trimmed.
I'd say my schedule is about to open up, but I'd really be lying. I'm just going to trade one thing (teaching for Upward Bound) for another (sorting out where I'll be living by the end of summer and, maybe, thesis).
From that, it won't surprise anyone that I haven't edited "The Gunfight" yet. I have the edits planned to some degree, meaning that I know what I need to do to fix the story in basic terms.
Honestly, I know what I'm fighting. I can call it time, and I'd be right, but there is another name for it. I'm fighting myself. My financial woes are all due to the fact that I'm really taking care of myself. I pay my bills (or at least my share of them). The money in my account is money I have earned through working. This might seem like nothing for a lot of people, but it's something for me. I'm a person who, usually, is at least partially dependent upon someone else to pay for what I do. This is something I'm proud of and I don't really want to go back to money from my parents.
There are many things in life that we all settle on. We settle for the fact that newspapers cost 50 cents. We settle on the fact that politicians lie to us and kiss our butts. We settle that most people are cynical and we should be cynical too. We settle that the sun will come up tomorrow. We settle that copying anime/manga style is something American artists just shouldn't do. We accept things every day just so we can survive.
I've settled on the fact that I can get a job completely through my own efforts (Upward Bound was the first real case of this for me). I've settled that I hang out with a lot of guys, so I don't really even talk to girls that often. I've settled that I can get depressed and I just need to get through it.
I've settled that I should figure out what's important to me and follow that.
For some odd reason, I've had a thick layer of mental armor ever since I got over the first relationship where I had a girlfriend. I've just told myself not to worry and to just go forward after that. Usually, it works to a degree where I am able to push through and get things done.
The thing is, you can only do the same thing for so long. I've been going to school for 20+ years and, at the end of last semester, I was sick of it. My summers usually have a degree of empty monotony, so I get sick of those really fast. I'm sick of the same things. I want to get started with my life--and I feel like I don't know where that really starts.
Right now, the person who seems to be the most inspirational to me is writer Greg Rucka. He had a lot of jobs before he decided that he had a manuscript for a novel that he'd written that he could get published. He edited it and it eventually got published. Since Keeper, he's written several novels, as well as broken into a little creative format know as comic books. Dammit, that's what I want to do. I want to get some things published, get some awards for them (Greg Rucka won an award for Keeper), and start writing a few comic books as well. Also, and this is notable, his writing is his job. That's what I want.
I'm not necessarily the same kind of writer as Greg Rucka. In fact, I know I'm not, but that doesn't change the fact that I'd love to follow his lead. I want to do what he's done, I just don't have the greatest idea of where I have to start.
Wow. I guess I know a little of what I want. Now, I just have to do it.
I'd say my schedule is about to open up, but I'd really be lying. I'm just going to trade one thing (teaching for Upward Bound) for another (sorting out where I'll be living by the end of summer and, maybe, thesis).
From that, it won't surprise anyone that I haven't edited "The Gunfight" yet. I have the edits planned to some degree, meaning that I know what I need to do to fix the story in basic terms.
Honestly, I know what I'm fighting. I can call it time, and I'd be right, but there is another name for it. I'm fighting myself. My financial woes are all due to the fact that I'm really taking care of myself. I pay my bills (or at least my share of them). The money in my account is money I have earned through working. This might seem like nothing for a lot of people, but it's something for me. I'm a person who, usually, is at least partially dependent upon someone else to pay for what I do. This is something I'm proud of and I don't really want to go back to money from my parents.
There are many things in life that we all settle on. We settle for the fact that newspapers cost 50 cents. We settle on the fact that politicians lie to us and kiss our butts. We settle that most people are cynical and we should be cynical too. We settle that the sun will come up tomorrow. We settle that copying anime/manga style is something American artists just shouldn't do. We accept things every day just so we can survive.
I've settled on the fact that I can get a job completely through my own efforts (Upward Bound was the first real case of this for me). I've settled that I hang out with a lot of guys, so I don't really even talk to girls that often. I've settled that I can get depressed and I just need to get through it.
I've settled that I should figure out what's important to me and follow that.
For some odd reason, I've had a thick layer of mental armor ever since I got over the first relationship where I had a girlfriend. I've just told myself not to worry and to just go forward after that. Usually, it works to a degree where I am able to push through and get things done.
The thing is, you can only do the same thing for so long. I've been going to school for 20+ years and, at the end of last semester, I was sick of it. My summers usually have a degree of empty monotony, so I get sick of those really fast. I'm sick of the same things. I want to get started with my life--and I feel like I don't know where that really starts.
Right now, the person who seems to be the most inspirational to me is writer Greg Rucka. He had a lot of jobs before he decided that he had a manuscript for a novel that he'd written that he could get published. He edited it and it eventually got published. Since Keeper, he's written several novels, as well as broken into a little creative format know as comic books. Dammit, that's what I want to do. I want to get some things published, get some awards for them (Greg Rucka won an award for Keeper), and start writing a few comic books as well. Also, and this is notable, his writing is his job. That's what I want.
I'm not necessarily the same kind of writer as Greg Rucka. In fact, I know I'm not, but that doesn't change the fact that I'd love to follow his lead. I want to do what he's done, I just don't have the greatest idea of where I have to start.
Wow. I guess I know a little of what I want. Now, I just have to do it.
posted by LEN! at 11:59 PM
6 Comments:
I wish I had some great wisdom for you but truely I don't. This is simply life. What I can say is I know you are capable of many great things. Unfortunately in life great things come with great price tags. Just keep moving forward and if there is anything I can do or you just need to talk let me know.
Man...you just expressed something I've been thinking for several years now. It always is that you fight yourself more than anything else. But I'll say this--you've realized it, and at you're doing something about it. You're trying to break the monontony--and that's a start, at least.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
"We settle that copying anime/manga style is something American artists just shouldn't do."
Hey! What's that supposed to mean?! ;)
Time... Time... I had some of that once... It was nice.
Seriously though, Len you have the talent to do whatever you want. Your stories have always struck me as unique, but it's the kind of unique that people want to read. It's new! Bold! Exciting! There are so many story ideas you tell me about where I go "Damn, wish I would have thought of that." (Entropy is a great example)
Someday, somewhere, somebody is going to see what I see in your work, you just have to get it out there first. Don't be picky, beggars can't be choosers. Don't be afraid to send out work you are unhappy with, because we are our own worst critics. If you listen to your doubts then your motivation will dwindle.
You told me the other day that when I get motivated, you also tend to get motivated. Well, your blog has motivated me... So I hereby issue this challenge to you. Maybe this isn't the time because this will not be an easy challenge, but maybe it will help both of us. I'm turning the volume up to 11. I'm going to finish 3 of my unfinished short stories by July 12th (one month from yesterday, and Kudos to those of you that know what that date is) I will not give up! I will continue to turn out work! Then I'm going to start submitting again. One after another, and rejections be damned! I challenge you to beat me in a race to get published. First one in print wins.
You have kind of a head start on me for this contest of champions, because of the sheer number of stories you have, as compared to mine. I also understand your time constraints, so there will be no time limit on this until things settle down for you commitment wise. The July 12th deadline is for me only, so I can try to have a product worthy of competing with you.
Ready, set, go!
Q
OK Dan, that sounds like a good idea.
When can I expect to hear about your first story?
I think this can work, will work, and should work for us--so let's do it. Let's cut through the crap bogging down our lives and make something of ourselves.
Yes, we shall compete! For something! Possibly just bragging rights!
This is Dave. We all miss ya here in St. Louie. Talkin' on the net is good and great n'all but it's not the same if we can't hang out. I didn't have time to read your blog, but I just wanted to let you, Dan, Jamie and company spread throughout the nation......Dave's not dead, just like you guys: enemies with time. But, I promise you, one way or another, I WILL rise above it and kick father time in the nuggets for all the workaholics. I'll check in again soon, but not soon enough, unfornately.
-Dave Province
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