Commanding Thoughts

A Happy Accident

2010-10-26T23:05:00.002-05:00

I hadn't meant to look at my blog.

I never use it much any more. Things have changed dramatically since I was last here. I gained and lost my muse. I found two solid opportunities: a writers' conference and a trip to Dragon*Con. Both showed me things and opened new doors.

I finished another book and started a sequel to it. I now consistently write an average of 900 words a day. Before, I struggled to average 450.

So I accidentally found my blog again. The reasons don't matter, but I see responses from lovely people. Thank you for that. I greatly appreciate it.

Because of that, I'm going to do something I should have done a long time ago. If anyone would be interested in taking a look at some of my work so I can get a fresh perspective on it, leave a message here. I'll check in every few days and I'll figure out a way to trade what information we'll need to.

About that muse...

2009-11-23T23:07:00.001-06:00

Maybe she's real. Maybe I knew it all along.

Have hope and find that distant tomorrow.

It could all be worth it.

Frustrated

2009-08-20T22:38:00.002-05:00

I know my muse, though she is fickle and tormenting at times.

She aids me. She points the way, sometimes on purpose, sometimes by causing me to react.

She is the best thing I could hope for when it comes to inspiration.

So why isn't she real? Why can't I find a woman like her? Does she even exist? I don't know.

Distractions

2009-07-26T01:15:00.000-05:00

A lot of things have kept me away.

I lost something important and have been trying to get it back. I was trying to finish another draft and succeeded. I looked for new ways to make stories, ways that didn't include the trappings of coercion and mind control.

I managed to get a few more query letters sent out over the past few days, all while eliciting the aid of a couple more people to tell me how good/bad/otherwise Vitamin F might be. Now I'm digging around on Mind & Machine again, making some interesting progress on it.

Break It Down Again

2009-05-26T02:06:00.000-05:00

I get pulled into this whirlwind from time to time and I do what I can to control it.

I had a friend recently hook up with a woman who I don't think was worth his time. A destructive sort of individual that just made me see how easy it is to have dreams taken away. It got me working on Vitamin F in a way I haven't in a while. I'd been working on it, but not with strict regularity and diligence.

Of course, I've had something else play out as well. I'm trying to let go of someone close to my heart but not my life. It's one of those things I need to do so I can be free enough to be happy, but damn it, it just feels wrong sometimes. To put it in a little perspective, I don't know the moment I became friends--not acquaintances, but friends--with any of my friends, except for one.

How can I put my feelings for someone aside in my heart as well as in my life? I've had to shield my real feelings for Lyndsey from her for a long time. I don't know how to really do that without putting aside the feelings of friendship I have for her as well. It's a difficult thing and I don't want to think that I've just squandered or lost a real friend just because I couldn't really come to terms with the fact that, well, I can't have her.

That being said, it could easily be just a feeling I have for the moment. It could pass in time. Things could improve and I may even, someday find an awesome girl to be close friends with. But right now, I'm going to try and just worry about my writing. That's what's going to get me everything I really want in the long term anyway.

Then There Were Two

2009-05-07T01:28:00.000-05:00

It's been a while since it first happened. Angie finished reading the first full draft of Vitamin F some time ago, probably about ten to twelve months ago. And as much as I'd like for a few others to read more of it, no one else has finished reading it up to this point.

That's what changed sometime in the last few days. About a month ago, I copied all of draft two for Rocky to read. A short while ago, he told me he'd finished reading it and was ready to give me notes. Should be fairly interesting.

As many people as I've got reading Vitamin F, I think, interestingly enough, that the next who finishes will have read draft three, which I just think is a bit funny and a bit sad.

Villains

2009-04-18T01:51:00.000-05:00

I know people sometimes read horrible things in books and become appalled. I recall hearing how Stephen King has gotten hate mail for years about a scene in The Dead Zone where Greg Stillson kills a dog while trying to sell bibles. It's a rough scene, but Stillson does other terrible acts throughout that novel, but none hit that same emotional edge as when he kills that dog.

I recall also how in Critical Space, Greg Rucka uses the assassin Oxford to kill several long-time characters, one with calculated and false sexual overtones, another with cold, fast precision. A lot of Atticus Kodiak fans have problems with Critical Space, especially given his entanglements with the villain of Smoker, Drama.

Of course when people think of great villains, they like to bring up Hannibal Lecter or Darth Vader. These are great bad guys, but they are more dark shadows of ourselves, each showing different levels of charisma. In a lot of ways, these guys are known more for their charisma than for the horrible acts they play out. (Both Lecter and Vader do their most awful deeds off screen.)

I bring these thoughts up because I've been working on a way to get more use out of Delilah (Bridgett's best friend) in Vitamin F. The only flaw in doing this, is that I have to immerse myself in writing horrible acts, terrorists torturing and coercing people to achieve a desired effect. In a lot of ways, I'm doing this because I need the audience to hate Adam John and the Brotherhood of Life. But to hate them, they have to do the most vile things possible, with total disregard of any opinions other than their own.

Villains have to do horrible, terrible things to truly be worthwhile.

Recruits

2009-04-01T00:27:00.000-05:00

I managed to get two more people to at least express interest in reading my work today. Plus, yesterday I realized there was someone I should have asked about Vitamin F a long time ago.

Why the sudden shift? Why the beta reader recruitment drive? I was reading "The Warrior," by Jim Butcher (it's the newest Dresden Files novella) and it ends with a character remarking how people rarely take the choices they're offered to make their lives better. That's absolutely true and I knew that I needed to do something to get my act in gear.

By the end of the week, at last two people will have read my work for the first time. One of those was earlier today and was pretty close to the target demographic for Vitamin F.

Rye Road

2009-03-31T01:41:00.000-05:00

It's been a while since I've done any short story work. A little more than an month ago, I noticed several Sesame Street dolls at work. There was a Cookie Monster, a Big Bird, and an Elmo. But no Grover; the poor bastard's been swept away to make room for Elmo.

So, standing in front of these dolls and pretending to kill an Elmo, I wondered what it would be like if Grover tried to kill Elmo. A few weeks passed and the answer to that question finally struck me. (No, I'm not telling; I want a few people to be surprised how it ends.)

Over the last week, I've written it out. "The Plot On Rye Road." All I can really say is that the trash heap is the most distinct character of all. The trash heap is evil, malicious, and manipulative. Oscar's just a grouch.

And the reason why I was able to pull this story off: I read Neil Gaiman's The Graveyard Book last week. Good read, but that's not a surprise since it's Gaiman.

Fulfilling Entertainment

2009-03-21T00:54:00.000-05:00

It's been about 6 weeks since I've posted and I've seen some great things since then. Let me start chronologically.

Watchmen. The film version was fine. I give it a B+ after two viewings. A solid movie, though a bit long, a bit gratuitous with its use of sex (intercourse, not nudity). It did demonstrate that, no matter how good a comic might be, it might not make a great movie. That's still true for me; the movie version just serves to illustrate that something is lost when you move from the page to the screen.

Planetary. A comic series about the exploits of super-powered archaeologists looking for the secret history of the 20th Century. A great read, it has a lot of depth to read from, and each issue is a self-contained story. Quite the engaging read, though it should never be made into a movie or a TV show--Why? The stories know exactly how long to stay and when they should go.

A few hours ago, I watched the series finale of Battlestar Galactica. It had to answer a lot of questions about the series, be satisfying, and still be entertaining. There was also the idea of the show having a legacy to consider, a complete story that had finally reached its end. No spoilers here, but I feel that happened, all while solidifying Battlestar's reputation of being character-driven and often spiritual.

Laptop

2009-02-07T00:40:00.000-06:00

For Christmas, I got a laptop bag, a USB hub for a laptop, and a USB mouse that works best with a laptop. But I didn't get a laptop. I did get an envelope with some money to get a laptop though.

Today, I finally got my laptop. I've taken a few days to pick one out, finally deciding on a Toshiba. Very nice system and I think I'll get plenty of use out of it. Still sorting out how to get Word fully up and running in a familiar way. It'll just take time, and damn there's a lot of blue in it.

Still, I'm quite pleased and I look forward to getting lots of writing done on it, as well as my trusted PC here in my apartment.

Advancing

2009-01-28T23:29:00.000-06:00

The one piece of writing that gets the most emotional reaction from my readers has been from Chapter 16 of Vitamin F. It starts out fairly dull, the tension brought on by Bridgett, aware of the secret locked in her genes, confronting her life. She still has to go to class, she still has to talk to the other girls in her sorority, and she still needs to go to the library on occasion.

But at the library, Genetic Security is waiting to run tests on the crowd. They wait, ready to ambush the crowd and run tests. They sample the genome, making sure its being taken care of for the good of the nation.

I just finished editing that section again. I try not to mess with it, for the simple reason that I don't want to destroy the notes that pull at an audience's emotions. I set out to have Bridgett confront her situation externally. I ended up with a some readers doing Bridgett's crying for her.

Creative Accomplishment

2009-01-09T01:50:00.000-06:00

For Christmas, I had the idea of giving Lyndsey a drawing of my prospective cover to Vitamin F. I'd had an idea for quite a while showing an off-center image of Bridgett holding a vitamin in an open hand. It was a simple visual, marked more by the fact that the top of her head was going to be intentionally cut out of the image.

Another idea came along just after Thanksgiving. Yes, it took heavy notes from Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series, but, instead of being set up purely as an aesthetic, my new idea was built more around trying to identify the most basic conflict of Vitamin F. Once the twist comes along, there is actually significance behind Bridgett taking her vitamin every day.

The problem was that, with hectic scheduling and chaos all around, I ended up only having one day to draw the picture. I took out my pocket sketchbook and my pencils, being trapped behind a register for 6 hours on a slow night, and I went to work, doing what I could. My thought was that if I could finish the concept and have it look halfway decent, I could take a picture of it to finish later and give Lyndsey the original.

I did it. Had to do a little trimming, but I finished the small version with no problems. Take a look.

I thought I could include a black all around, just to keep the attention of the cover fixated on Bridgett. I want to find some way to really make the vitamin in her hand show up easier as well. I need to also improve the angle and a few of the proportions, but other that that, what you see if what I hope you'll get to buy someday for $10-25.

Finally, I had to give Lyndsey the picture in a card and while she was working, so I didn't really get to hear much of a reaction from her about it at the time. A few days ago, when I had to unlock the door so she could come in for work, she waved vigorously at me and smiled. "The picture was gorgeous," she said. Aside from the obvious statements I could make, I need to start on the next incarnation of that drawing soon. And I might have to try my hand at a drawing of a cute blonde in a thick black coat as well.

Needing to Vent

2008-11-06T23:39:00.000-06:00

This may or may not have anything to do with my writing; I'll let history be the judge of that.

When I went to work this morning, I was in terrible pain from this screwed up tooth. When I say terrible pain, well, it was bad. I threw what I could at the pain, from pills to oral treatments. Eventually, it subsided. Those few times I felt it coming back, I managed to put it back down by reassuring myself that, if I let Lyndsey know that I was on vacation next week, maybe I'd actually get a chance to talk to her for a while outside of work.

Didn't happen. I told her, but she has no time during the semester. And I'm just a bit pissed about that. Granted, I know she's a busy person, busier than most people should be. I'm just irritated that I couldn't get to spend time with my friend.

Now, I'm fooling myself. To say that I wanted to spend time with my friend is like saying James Bond just wants to do his civic duty. Not only is it an understatement, it's also hiding something much more substantial. For me, that means that I'm fighting with my attraction to this wonderful girl, a girl who can talk to me on a wavelength of understanding that I've never had with anyone before. Lyndsey understands me in ways no one else does, just like I've seen a side to her that she doesn't show other people.

It's not just the part that only I see that interests me. Everything that Lyndsey is has appeal to me. That's why this is so difficult. I don't see her as someone that, should I be lucky enough to more than friends with, I would get just about everything I've ever really wanted as far as relationships go. I'm going to have to tell her the truth and that's something I really am afraid of--it could result in me being happy or in me going back into that darkness.

Fear

2008-10-29T22:57:00.001-05:00

There's something that I've been dancing around recently. It's not just my thesis (that ancient beast) or my interaction with a lovely young woman. Nor is it my writing, although it is inherent in the themes of my work, buried under the surface. I have a fear, an unusual fear, but it's one I need to confront.

I'm afraid of being happy.

I have no problem with serenity or comfort or joy. But actual happiness, it terrifies me. I'm afraid I won't be motivated any more if I'm happy. I'm afraid I'll forget all the things that are important to me if I'm happy. I'm afraid that I'll become complacent toward a beautiful woman if she ever decided to be with me.

That's nothing new. What is new is that I'm willing to fight that fear. Why should I keep myself from being happy? If I'm happy, doesn't that mean I've reached the goals that are important to me?

So no more keeping myself from what I really want. I'm going to be creative, I'm going to find a nice girl to hang out with. I'm going to have the things I want, what few of them there are.

Now, I've just got to figure out how I'm going to do all that.

The State of Science Fiction & Fantasy

2008-10-09T01:37:00.000-05:00

Having just finshed reading a few books, I've been looking to read something new. As I looked over the books I have on standby, I noticed an interesting trend among many of them. In a great deal of them, the book is written from a limited first person viewpoint. And this isn't limited to those titles with a modernesque setting.

Imagine, if you will, if Star Wars had a first person point of view. Since it's about Luke, every scene has to include him, or be something he has direct personal knowledge about. Do we start with a space scene or droids? No, we get to hear about how Luke wants to go to the academy. Princess Leia? She's a hologram for two-thirds of the movie. Greedo shoots first or second? We never see Greedo--because Luke never sees Greedo, so there is no answer to that.

Speaking of characters we never see, let's talk about Grand Moff Tarkin. In a movie where everything has to involve Luke, there is no Tarkin. And, a much bigger storytelling sin, all we see of Darth Vader is a brief moment where he kills Obi-Wan Kenobi. That's right, a first-person version of Star Wars has no constant villain. I'll get back to that idea in just a bit.

Let's talk about the other end of the spectrum for a moment. The popular notes of science fiction are usually these fierce, well-thought processes of the nature of humanity as it progresses in a future environment or location in outer space. These explorations are usually developed deliberately, focusing on their central questions. They quantify their arguments and allow their characters to understand--

It's a bunch of stuck-up garbage. Don't misunderstand me, there's quite a bit of quality work out there, but for the most part, all the wonderful examinations of humanity in the future eventually blend together and look alike. And, just to point out something interesting--a lot of science fiction is starting to go over to first person point of view as well.

Can we stop doing everything in first person, please?

I love reading The Dresden Files, and I know they're in first person because a great deal of classic crime noir is in first person. But I'd really like to read something with that degree of excitement and energy where I can really get a feel for everything that's going on, not just one guy's reactions.

The problem, I think, is that there's no fiction left in today's science fiction; there's no fantasizing in today's fantasy.

The solution to this: Somebody's got to do something different. Yes, I understand that publishers need to find material to please existing fanbases. I also know that the fastest way to get noticed--should writing be good--is to stand out, show how something is different than what's already out there.

A World Suffused With Sound...

2008-10-02T01:27:00.000-05:00

I've been prepping some thoughts for National Novel Writing Month, deciding to pursue My Soundscope. After some thinking, I realized I didn't have that motivation to really make that story work. I wanted so much to explore my "love letter" to anime, specifically RahXephon (this is the term I've used to describe the story for a while).

That's when the format dawned on me completely: I should write it as a love letter.

Not only would it be a love letter, it would be a letter from "Ayato," ultimately meant to be read by "Haruka." Neither of which are actually characters in My Soundscope. (OK, in all fairness, Ayato is going to end up being a character, but I'm going to do everything I can to hide that fact.) This love letter would also serve as a history for both the setting and for the events of the novel; Ayato mentions his past with Haruka while telling her what he's seeing.

So, from the world of anime, what stereotypes will I be exploiting?

Sinister all-powerful anti-hero? Yeah.
Pensive teenage hero? Yes.
Cute scientist girl? Stoic cyborg woman? Yes, they're the same character.
Villain with white hair, narrow eyes, and a sword? Of course.
Pseudo-apocalyptic plot? Yeah, it wouldn't be anime otherwise.
Whiny mech pilot? No, there aren't any mechs.
Tentacle monsters? Next question.
Nurse Snikt? AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Uber-powerful teenage schoolgirl? There just might be.
Gruff nihilistic swordsmen? No, I've got a nihilist character, but he doesn't use a sword.

Enough already. Add more questions if you like. I've got work to do.

Sowing the Seeds

2008-09-24T15:46:00.000-05:00

I was driving around earlier and I heard the song "Sowing the Seeds of Love" by Tears For Fears. I looked up the lyrics and the song is just as much a love song as it is a song about spurring political change or standing up for yourself.

I've stood up for myself in that I've hit snag after snag with the modeling program I'm supposed to use for my thesis. I stood up by telling my professor what was going on, what thin solutions there are, and implying that I'm not sure if it can be done now. I also took the opportunity to tell him in no uncertain terms that I feel that I have already earned my Masters--I've completed all the coursework, I've demonstrated that I have authortative knowledge of my field, and "nothing should stand in the way of that, computer or otherwise."

And with the current political climate, I'm going to soapbox a little. I'm voting Obama in November because with him there's the hope that he could accomplish some of what he's trying to do. Even if he's only partially successful, it will be a monumental change for the positive. McCain is a good man, and a very good senator, but as a candidate, McCain seems to be little more than a puppet. We don't need any more puppets. Also, like many people, Sarah Palin scares me; she's the kind of person who could turn the United States into a theocracy. Read The Handmaid's Tale and you'll see just how dangerous a theocracy really is, especially to its citizens.

Concerning love, I know what I want. I've recently been reminded of what it is that I'm really after. And I need the power of nature, something like a whirlwind, to push me to do the things I need to do. It's all very simple, I just have to try to be an active friend rather than just a compassionate one. In time, I'll find who I'm after.

Rebuilding

2008-08-26T00:50:00.000-05:00

One of the best pieces of advice I've ever received came from one of my thesis committee members, Dr. Eddleman. In regard to my thesis, he said I had to get going on it for one reason, "You're the only one who can make yourself do it." I might not have the quote exactly right, but it's sound reasoning. It's one of the things I used to push myself just a little more as I wrote the first draft of Vitamin F.

Now that the Fall 2008 semester has started at SEMO, I know the time I have left on my thesis is truly limited. I have to find a few values (which are doing their best to hide from me) and apply them to a modeling program. Once I have that, I find out what Dr. Scheibe thinks we need from that, extract it, and describe the whole thing in the text of my thesis. I've just got to find those values first.

My time in the sciences has fueled a lot of how I work and think. It would be unfair for me to not also mention that one of my coworkers has pointed out that I have an interesting contradiction: I'm scientific and logical on many fronts, all while being emotional and passionate at the same time. Do I blatantly advertise these things? No, I reserve them as the samurai would.

And, just as the samurai would, I let go of "making myself write." I found the writer in me again, along with the scientist and the guy who reads novels during lunch breaks. During the downtimes at work this evening, I managed to transcribe three pages, solidly describing Commander's interrogation methods. I'm slowly building to him saying to his victim the line, "I am the whirlwind." I'm looking forward to trying to get there.

As for Vitamin F, Bridgett's tale needs time to rest still. I've already started to make notes--with pen and paper--on how I can better enhance a few things. Chapters 19 and 20 still have their issues, so I might have to recruit Lyndsey's active advice on the solutions I have. (I'd post them here, but I'm not sure I'd get any feedback to speak of.)

Ruling the World

2008-08-17T23:32:00.000-05:00

I've mentioned hidden agendas in writing before, along with subversive messages. I bring it up again because I've figured out the secret message hidden in my lead characters. This applies to The Golden Hollow as much as it applies to Vitamin F, or Ashes of War. My lead characters, to some noticeable degree, are looking for an intimate companion (or soul mate if you prefer that term).

And I never thought I'd listen to much Coldplay, much less buy one of their albums. However Viva La Vida or Death And All His Friends is actually quite good. The track "Yes" speaks to a lot of the themes and ideas I've been contemplateing in the past few weeks, while "Viva La Vida" could be a theme to an older version of Commander; and, yes, it does primarily discuss the trials of a deposed ruler.

I also started up another little project. Why I Shouldn't Rule The World is a blog designed as a satirical message of policies I would enact if I were to gain undisputed rule over a country of great influence (like this one). Check it out, comment on it. All comments are going to be accepted as "the voices of the people."

Quarter-Life Crisis and Solutions

2008-08-12T12:56:00.000-05:00

In short, I don't feel like I've accomplished much, I'm increasingly apathetic when I'm with friends (I don't mean to be, honest), I'm feel a great deal of loneliness, I see other people's personal successes when I see none for myself, and I have "the worst luck ever" when it comes to trying to get a date. These are all listed reasons for a Quarter-Life Crisis.

So I've asked myself two questions to solve this. 1. How did this happen? 2. What can I do about it?

How did this happen?
Around July 4th, I was bad low on funds (another indicator), and I went to Oran to spend the day with a few friends at the Madcackler's place. It was a good time and we even blew some shit up. Then this little bitch shows up; she's nice enough, "neighborly" to use an archaic term. She brings over more explosives and sort of hits on all four of us there, even though she's in high school, and we're all college or later. The little bitch talks with us about anime and manga, so we don't think she's a bitch at all. She asks about playing Halo 3, so we do that.

Side note--I suck at Halo 2 and 3. I don't own them, nor do I own the machines they're played on. And I don't like to spend my time engaging in things that will piss me off, which vapid assholes and fratboys (the target audience of Halo 2 and 3) do frequently.

The little bitch brings her X-Box over, the Cackler sets everything up, and we play. All gametypes I really suck at too, so all I can do with any degree of success is kill myself. Eventually, the little bitch mentions how she manged to beat "the old guy," hence the title I've bestowed on her.

Being called "the old guy" was the keystone that started everything going wild. From there, I had to chaos of my actual birthday just over a week later. That was one really shitty day, until Joe and Angie gave me an impromptu birthday (cup)cake and gift (a Milton Berle quiote plaque). It was really nice and that turned things around. Then Lyndsey went out of her way and did something too.

I said before that Lyndsey was either the exact right or exact wrong person to do something for me under that situation. I've mentioned her on here before, and while I've told her about this blog, I don't think she reads it (which is why I could get away with what I'm about to say). She's a good friend, the Ideal Reader for Vitamin F, and I really, really, really like her. I'm incredibly attracted to her and have had to fight myself on that on repeated occasions. (And Lyndsey, if you do read this, I'm fairly certain that you're already aware of the fact that I like you.)

For a few weeks, I had good reason to think I had a real chance with Lyndsey. I don't now, but it's not because of anything I did. Things got better for her, that's all. To go into any more detail would derail the whole reason behind this post. However, I can say that, as of late, I've felt like real shit because of that whole situation. I've felt like I have to do something, but I have no idea what that might be.

What can I do about it?
I can't do anything about Lyndsey, but I can do plenty about me. I console myself with the harsh adage that "If it were easy, I wouldn't want it," something I thought of to apply toward writing, but I think it can be applied toward everything that's worth having.

I started something else, too. Any time I feel like shit, from now on, I'm going to try to do something nice for someone else. I'll give out compliments, or tell people reassuring things. I'm going to eventually give a random card to those three friends who spontaneously did something for me at work on my birthday. I've started sending out e-mails to everybody on my e-mail list, a few at a time, just telling them five things that I think when I think about them.

Maybe, when I get to the bottom of that list, I might feel a little more like my old self. I don't know, but it's the only thing I've though of so far, so that's what I'm doing. When my brain works right again, I'll really get some writing done as well.

Sometimes The Juice Is Worth The Squeeze

2008-08-04T00:12:00.000-05:00

Ever wonder if something is worth the effort? Of course you have, you wouldn't be alive otherwise.

I've been dealing with a few varied things lately--a pretty girl, my thesis, writing Mind & Machine, undue stresses at work. I told myself yesterday that I had to find a way to relax before Monday or I would absolutely go insane. My way of accomplishing this: watching the movie The Girl Next Door.

Surprisingly great movie. It's got some of the most absurd laughs ever in a movie. More than that, it has a serious dark side that lets to story grow in ways that a coming-of-age comedy usually wouldn't have. It's also a really good modern example of the Joseph Campbell's Cycle of the Hero. And it's a story about a guy who has big dreams finds the right girl, even though he has to confront "moral fiber" in order to be with her; a character I can obviously relate to.

Other news, I found a good beat to write on for Mind & Machine. I've been wanting to explore the tension of Commander and Kathryn's mental interaction in a physical scene (rather than trying to describe a dreamscape or an astral plane). I realized one of the key weaknesses Kathryn has in this story is her relationship with a man named James. I wanted to give her a good man to date, someone who would make the world a better place, if only by example. Kathryn, in the new scene, has just seen James' picture for the first time after going through her book-long ordeal and comes to understand not only what she's lost, but one of the causes for that loss.

Tomorrow should be fun. I gave myself two options. Option one is to ask the previously-mentioned pretty girl to go to lunch with me sometime. Option two is to have someone beat the shit out of me. Hopefully, I'll choose option one. After all, I think the juice is worth the squeeze. (If you've seen The Girl Next Door, you'll understand that line.)

Sometimes You've Got to Roll a Hard Six

2008-08-01T23:23:00.000-05:00

Wether it's work, interacting with others, or racing the Cylons to find the planet Earth, there are times when you've just got to stick to your guns and do what you must. I'm having to dance around several things at the moment, things that make me have to stick to my guns.

At work, I get to open on days I usually don't, just so I can sort through every single bit of paper dealing with Stephenie Meyer's Breaking Dawn. Then, I get to close every time I work next week while another of my coworkers gets to go on vacation while I wait to never use mine.

If I do get to use my vacation, it'll be to take care of my family, not to have a moment to relax on my own. I don't really want to get into it other than to say a week in Neelyville is not an appealing concept.

I keep letting myself get distracted from my thesis work. Pretty soon (say next week), I'll just have to tell everybody to leave me alone for a while so I can get some work done. (No, I won't run everybody off, not really.)

Then there's my constant distraction, the cause of my torment, the potential of compassion and interaction. I need to try to make some progress on that quasi-romantic front. I'm having nightmares that punish me for not doing so.

But I'll persevere. I always have and I always will, God willing.

Struck Down

2008-07-21T23:59:00.000-05:00

I knew it'd happen this way. No one succeeds the first time out the gate.

Today, I got back a nice form letter from Jennifer Jackson saying a nicer form of, "Thanks, but no thanks." Very nice, very professional.

Truth is, it takes between 12 and 60 attempts to get an agent to bite. But if I don't try, I'll never succeed. Anyway, I need to find a few more agents to send query letters to. Hopefully, I'll get someone's interest by year's end.

On the topic of goals, yes, I've started a new set of goals. Most of them are geared toward being met by year's end. Get through most of Mind & Machine, might start in on draft 3 of Vitamin F, more query letters to agents, and one more that I really don't want to discuss specifically in an internet setting. Let's just say it involves breaking a certain curse and leave it at that.

Mission Accomplished

2008-07-04T00:56:00.000-05:00

I managed to get a query letter into the mail today. I picked Jim Butcher's agent, Jennifer Jackson, because she loves science fiction and is interested in other genres as well. Since I've read that it's a good idea to query several agents at once, I may try to go through the list again soon and send another letter to one or two more agents.

Also, things may start moving forward on my thesis again. I'm still getting some meeting times sorted out with Scheibe. Once that happens, we'll start ironing out what needs to be done next. Maybe I'll get this thing done right after all.

I wish there was more to say right now, but I don't know if anyone's even reading this anymore.

Crunch Time

2008-06-30T01:58:00.000-05:00

With only a handful of days left in the current cycle, I find myself narrowing in on agents. I could have met that goal a few days ago, but aside from getting a query letter out there, I need to do it right also.

Good news! It's a suppository!

No, it's actually that I've got the query letter done, with the exception of filling in addresses and putting in a line appropriate for the agent I'll contact. I'm still figuring out which agent to send to first. I'd send to both, but since they're from the same agency, it's best to give one a shot, then, if necessary, approach the other.

Bad news... It's a suppository!

Actually, I've got to write another synopsis. I wrote the big one, rolling in a 27 pages. The other day I started a new one, aiming at a 10-12 page length, but I found that the length I needed was one or two pages. Joy.

But I'm almost there. Just a little further...

Progress Abounds

2008-06-16T00:26:00.000-05:00

I finally finished draft two. I can see where the wrecking ball is going to strike a few big chunks and knock down the house.

My current focus is on Mind & Machine, trying to get some progress there. Starting about... now, I'm going to hunt down an agent.

I've got to keep going. I'm going to make it if I keep trying.

Finding Flaws

2008-05-18T23:05:00.000-05:00

My recent discussions with a few people have helped me see what areas of Vitamin F really need work. I'm going to keep going on the current draft of course, if for no other reason than to lay a foundation for the real work that draft three will bring with it.

I think the next move, once I've finished with draft two and put forth an attempt at getting an agent, will have to be making a list of what needs to be fixed, chapter by chapter.

In the past couple of days, I've had a few real fights with the last fifth of the book. The tough stuff is still just that. I'll get through it.

Characters Need More Character

2008-05-17T00:22:00.000-05:00

This is what Lyndsey has told me several times. It's not that all my characters need to be badasses, and not all of them need work. She finds a lot of fault with the machinations of super sorority girl Marissa and non-conformist Delilah.

Lyndsey's comments have been among the most direct I've ever been given. Partially because she's not one to glaze over her feelings about something, partially because she's in my corner. She likes my writing style, my pacing, my plot, the twist. She even told me in a bit of speed talking that she likes Bridgett, Penelope, Oriane, and the cupcake.

I'm so glad everybody likes the cupcake.

A lot of this comes from an extensive e-mail conversation I had with Lyndsey over the past few days. As I said, she gave me some direct comments on my work, but she also gave me some very kind words of encouragement.

My only dread now is that she's going to really, really hate Chapter 47. It was the hardest chapter for me to write, one of the hardest to edit, and if everything stays on track, I get to edit it again within a week.

It shows that I care about these characters when I don't want to see their absolute darkest moment. If it was a matter of guns, swords, or explosions, I wouldn't have much problem with it. Gore isn't too much a problem for me either, being a biologist and a fan of Berserk. It's the emotional vacuum. It's the animality of the chapter. But I never advertised Vitamin F as being an entry for happy time theater.

Good news is that I'm going to finish draft two with about 45 days to spare on the current 100-day cycle.

A Twist on Things

2008-05-13T15:38:00.000-05:00

"I like the twist. It's a good twist."

That's what Lyndsey told me yesterday. In a week, she went from begin in single digit chapters to having reached chapter 20. After reading that large block (including chapter 14), she first mentioned her displeasure with chapter 20.

Her problems with the story always stem back to a central idea: my characters need to have more character. It's not just that my characters need to be more believeable. Truth is, I'm likely very close on a lot of fronts. Angie and Lyndsey actually debated the quality of my characters, so I'm on the right track, I just need to refine them.

However, I need to follow Lyndsey's suggestions more. Not just to improve the quality of my characters, but to better match with expectations of the core audience. Being a literary-minded, college-educated woman, Lyndsey is the closest thing I have to an ideal reader--so I need to take her thoughts into a bit closer consideration than most.

Editing is a rough process, some say the hardest part of the whole thing. Guess I needed reminding of that.

Gaining Momentum

2008-05-12T01:05:00.000-05:00

Did something really cool a few days ago: I managed to edit a handful of chapters in a day. I managed to do it for two days in a row, all without losing my usual pace.

Crossed an interesting bridge with Mind & Machine. I know exactly what I'm building toward, so much that I now know what the cover looks like. Heiroglyphs depicting the basic history of the series from the battles that take place in Mind & Machine, to the eventual battles that could occur with The Golden Hollow.

Maybe I should draw the herioglyphs.

Am I Going Fast Enough?

2008-05-04T14:04:00.000-05:00

I gave myself one hundred days. I've got sixty-one left.

Saturdays and Sundays seem to be terrible for trying to make any progress to speak of on the three goals. I've still got to make my way through 26 Chapters of Vitamin F.

I'm trying to consolodate my reading. Since I finished off Small Favor late last week, I've tried to stick with The Sword of Shannara, but I've gotten a bit of that sensation I get when I stop reading a book. Terry Brooks is a fine writer, but there are times when he just goes on and on with his descriptions. He sparingly adds characters and there's been a distinct sense throughout the book--there's a big world and we have to care about it. Some of those paragraphs just run on too damn long. The last chapter I read had three paragraphs in the first four pages.

I understand the need for long paragraphs. I wish I had longer paragraphs myself. But in modern commercial writing, shorter paragraphs make for a faster pace. There are two key notes my readers keep coming to me with after reading the first chapter of Vitamin F: "I really like Delilah," and "Where's the next chapter?"

Look at Terry Goodkind's Sword of Truth series. He uses some spectacular descriptions, but his paragraphs aren't usually all that long. He usually only needs about two sentences to describe how a place or a character looks. Richer detail comes from redressing those settings later.

So when I look at my text and see that I've slashed six pages, I feel a great sense of accomplishment, especially given all the factors that are making it take up more pages. But there are times when I look over a chapter and think about killing the whole thing--the chapter, not the book.

Starting Another Book

2008-05-02T04:41:00.000-05:00

I finally filled the writing notebook that I carry around with me. The last bit I put in there was the direct aftermath of the battle between Commander and Dural that I mentioned previously. I've wasted little time trying to put notes in the new notebook.

My first notes in the new book are about Vitamin F. Oscar just started reading it and he quickly pointed a few things out. The largest matter was reiterating Lyndsey's comments about how it sounds like the writer is male even though the point of view character is female. He also pointed out the commercial value of having a cute little goth girl running around in firm good standing with Bridgett. This doesn't seem like a major statement, but he said it becuse he perceived some antagonism between the two, which comes from my erratic way of jumping between parts of the story.

The last bit I tossed into the book today was a couple of paragraphs from Mind & Machine where I start to show that Der Former may have more interest in Kathryn than he has in Commander.

Convention Time Again

2008-04-28T01:35:00.000-05:00

I'm not talking about Wizard World. It's been several times since I've been to one of those and I knew as I left the last one, that the next time I returned would likely be in a professional capacity.

What I am referring to is the third annual Cape Comic Con (sometimes known as Ken Con). It just wrapped up and I think it was probably the biggest success yet. My services were drafted to serve as a judge for the costume contest on Saturday and that was a lot of fun; every one of the entries was really good, each having their own places to shine where the others didn't.

I took the opportunity to also pick up a few X-Men comics from the glory days of the franchise (the 1990s), along with an independent book called Bushi Tales. On Sunday, I dove head first into a HeroClix tournament, using the latest version of my Apocalypse team. I didn't find out until it was over, but the last game I was in was the championship match. I barely lost that one, but it was one of the best games I'd had in years.

With it being convention time, you'd think I wouldn't get any writing done. You'd be right and you'd be wrong. In the days leading up to the convention, I managed to keep that streak of editing one chapter a day going. I got through eight chapters in eight days before I slowed down. I also wrote a great sequence for Mind & Machine featuring a particularly cruel battle between Commander and the demon Dural.

But that leads things back to the the normal flow of things. I've got work again tomorrow, the first time I've had to go since last Wednesday. Regardless of that, I'm making a great deal of progress and I hope to meet all three of my goals yet. It's still a fine possibility.

Back on Track

2008-04-21T01:47:00.000-05:00

In the past few days, I have edited one chapter of Vitamin F each day. I have also managed to transcribe a few pages of Mind & Machine. The most interesting thing about the whole process has been that I've been writing one-paragraph fights as part of a larger chaotic battle.

A few minutes ago, I started watching an odd anime series called Gasaraki. It's a very realistic take on mech anime, with more modern-day politics than you can imagine. (I never thought US grain prices would be a key plot point in a mech anime, but I was wrong.) It's also got ten tons of Shintoism--come for the mechs, stay for the ritual dancing--and ancient mechs called kugai.

So I take a moment to say that I haven't forgotten Ashes of War by any means. I'm not looking to reawaken it again yet, but I have far from forgotten about it.

I've also been reading three books at once. It's a crazy thought, but I've balanced it so far. At work, I read The Sword of Shannara by Terry Brooks; it's a solid bit of fantasy, although it leans on Tolkien a lot. At home, I read Small Favor by Jim Butcher, the lastest Dresden book. I'm also reading The Ruins by Scott Smith; it's a descriptive book with vivid images and characters who have little written out dialogue.

Things are on an upswing. Let's try to keep them that way.

Slacker of War

2008-04-14T03:31:00.000-05:00

I was going to do a lot better. Then I found out that God of War II finally dropped to $20. I've been playing it way too much. It's a fun game, much more brutal than the original, although there are times I think it may be unnecessarily complicated.

Aside from that, I did make a little more progress. I've edited three more chapters of Vitamin F, two of those being fairly long. As far as page length, I've already shaved 4 pages from the book, and I'm just a little more than a thrid of the way through it. I remember the length arguement Stephen King made in On Writing: Second Draft = First Draft - 10%.

Mind & Machine isn't doing as well. I only transcribed a measly two pages from my notebook. I can do a lot better than that, and I have to. Although I can say that I've finally found a way to make one of the weirder plot wrinkles work with the overall story.

On a side note, one of my coworkers asked me through the course of conversation what my ideal woman would be like. I just pointed out a paragraph from Mind & Machine and let her read it.

The final of the three goals hasn't really been approached in the past week. I'm still well aware that I need to find an agent, but I haven't done much recently to find that agent. I figure this is something that will happen once I've got that second draft of Vitamin F finished.

Reinstituting the 100 Days

2008-04-06T04:11:00.000-05:00

In the Fall, I decided at an arbitrary point to give myself 100 days to finish the first draft of Vitamin F. I didn't succeed in that regard, but I did make a lot of progress thanks to the added motivation of a deadline.

I noticed my lack of progress as of late and decided that I needed a splash of motivation. So, within 100 days, I've got a few goal that I need to have met, or at least made great progress with.

1. Have the next draft of Vitamin F finished. This doesn't just mean I've got another draft, it also means I've got the long synopsis to go along with it. For those who have been reading it, this doesn't affect anything with you. I'm giving myself a deadline. I won't put any such restriction on my readers.

2. Send at least one query letter to a literary agent. It's a big step, one I need to start pursuing. I've got a friend who writes and draws children's books. He's got amazing ideas and visuals, he just doesn't have someone who knows where and how to fight the battles to get his work published. For guys trapped in middle America, it's almost impossible to get noticed without help.

3. Have 1/3 of Mind & Machine typed out. I've been writing on this, just not typing it. I need to do more of both. I'm confident that I can make a lot more progress if I put forth the effort.

I'm going to try to make a weekly progress report, just to keep track of such things. Maybe it'll help me keep going.

Better Now

2008-04-03T15:10:00.000-05:00

For the past few days, I've been a bit down because of everything tied to my lack of a love life. I've done what I could to deal with it and get over it, but it just didn't work. I'm not sure why it's ben so hard, but that's the way life goes sometimes.

Anyway, what I did was take that depressed feeling and try to work through it, try to get around it. No dice. I tried to completely separate myself from the feeling. Again, no luck. Navigating around that bit of complication in my life, I looked at it very closely. I didn't mean to, but that's what happened. I realized what it was like to really hurt--really feel like my heart was empty.

I took that idea, the thought that my rotten luck might be tearing my heart to nothing one little piece at a time, and spent a few minutes staring right at it. And that's when I realized that was exactly where I needed to take things with the climax of Mind & Machine.

In that, Commander is supposed to be in a state of extreme anguish, a point where he's lost EVERYTHING. So, Commander bashes his fist on an unbreakable barrier holding the girl he's in love with. He crushes his hand, but gains nothing. Finally, he screams and punches the barrier again and again. He gets nothing out of it. He stops and remarks on how his heart has been slowly torn apart, leaving him empty. And he finally breaks through.

Feedback from Multiple Angles

2008-03-31T14:32:00.000-05:00

First bit of feedback came from Angie. She finished reading Vitamin F over the weekend. She knew what decisions were going to be made, but the way that scene came about didn't quite happen the way she imagined. Angie didn't feel an epilogue chapter was necessary, which is good. The more I think about it, the more I see such a thing takes away from the story.

This is good news. One of my readers has read Vitamin F. Now if I could get a couple others to that point--Hi Dan! Hi Lyndsey!--it would be awesome. Speaking of which, I need to get some reading to a couple of others. I've got to live up to my end of the bargain.

Next bit of feedback is about my thesis. Apparently, Scheibe has a few comments already and he's going to have full comments for me within 10 days. Maybe it's lip service, maybe not, but it's better than nothing.

Finally, I heard something odd from my Mom earlier. Someone at church asked her today if she's ever going to get a daughter-in-law. And Mom decides to fill me in on this to. My response was simple: If I could fix that, I would, but I should be a certified "Boyfriend Detector." If I like a girl, there's a good chance she's already got a boyfriend.

I do understand that a lot of my ideas and motivation come from my perpetual lack of female companionship. I'm not so foolish as to let a real opportunity pass me by anymore. But those opportunities are few and far between. Anyway, I've got other matters to deal with right now.

Low Productivity

2008-03-30T02:11:00.000-05:00

I haven't gotten much done over the past few days. Sure a good friend of mine was back in town and we hung out some, but I still could have gotten more done.

I have managed to write out a lot more of the scene I previously mentioned. The extent that I went to--heavily pressured by the secret theme of Mind & Machine--managed to set up the climax of that book, as well as give subtle hints to its sequel. I also figured out a weird quirk the villian of the second book has: he obsessively reads Danielle Steele novels. I just thought it would be something interesting for a pyrokinetic to do frequently.

I also managed to find two more people wanting to read Vitamin F. No teeth-pulling involved. Both of them actually approached me and let me know they'd like to read the book. I guess I should contact them and give them some reading material.

I'm trying to let people know that I'm still doing things with this page, that I'm still trying to say something while reporting on the various creative discoveries I might make.

About twenty minutes ago, I read an e-mail from my professor saying that he's made a few comments on the current draft of my thesis and that it is on "the top of the pile." We'll see how long that lasts, but for now, progress.

I haven't done any more editing to Vitamin F. I haven't really typed in a week probably. I did finish reading Count Zero by William Gibson. A fair bit of cyberpunk, although it was a bit mild on impact. I might be about to jump into another Star Wars campaign, this one based on the campaign that I ran a few years back.

Secret Meanings

2008-03-25T02:20:00.000-05:00

A friend once told me that every book has a message built into it, even if the author wasn't consciously aware of it while writing.

I've been picking apart Mind & Machine trying to figure out what part of it I need to work on. I was developing a scene where Commander gets interrogated and blacks out. In his blackouts, he finds Kathryn and she starts questioning his loyalties--he starts his crusade trying to rescue her, after all.

Now, Commander's nuts about Kathryn. He can't do a damn thing about it. All he can do is the traditional suffer in silence. During his quest, he does find a distraction in Sandra Bright. So he becomes torn--does Commander renounce his feelings for Kathryn or does he dodge his promise to find Bright again once the battle is done?

Commander's quest is outwardly a big battle. The real nature of the beast is that he has to fight his inner demons and contemplate the question, "What do you do when you can never tell someone you love them?"

I know I've discussed my intermittent battles with unrequited love in the past. My past history is a big influence on Commander, so I figure I'd put my past misery to work for me.

It's Only a Matter of Time

2008-03-18T01:31:00.000-05:00

I reached an odd juncture in refining Vitamin F. The next chapter I had to give to Angie was traumatic for me as a writer to look at, not so much on quality of writing, but on the grounds of content. I also got to the big twist in putting together draft two at the same time.

My dilemma was in looking at the two most difficult parts of the entire book at once. Imagine Stephen King having to work on decreasing te number of characters in The Stand while at the same time, figuring out how to wrap the whole thing up. I can only imagine how mind-blowing it must have been. It's what caused him to start taking his regular walks.

Anyway, I didn't want to ruin my forward momentum, but I didn't want to upset Angie with what she get to read next. I decided at first to print out two chapters for her to read, then thought about the entire circumstance and decided to print everything she had left to read, a total of 7 chapters.

So it's a matter of time until someone--other than myself--knows what's going on in Vitamin F from start to finish. I'm a bit nervous about it, for good reason.

Views from Mind & Machine

2008-03-10T01:15:00.000-05:00

I'm not putting as many images up as I wanted to, partially because I had to fight for so long to get the ones I've gotten on here. First comes the antagonist of Mind & Machine, Der Former. He has a brown cape and gold armor. He also has the distinction with being the only character in the book that can truly fly under their own power.

Next is Sandra Bright. She's got long blonde hair with a pair of braids crossing over the crown of her head. So far, she runs around in a red gown, although, I'm thinking about changing that up a little now that I've come back to writing the character. Bright is a source of information and inspiration to our protagonist, Commander. She may not be the supreme allied commander I thought she was a few weeks back, but Bright is definately the one character who is the most in control of her own powers. She also knows the most about what's going on.

I might try to get the color versions up at some point. Also, I'm going to "try" to get images going of the other characters as well.

Before I forget, I've got to find a name for a demon character. This demon is partially human (as are most in The Golden Hollow), has a gnarled, withered appearance, and rules over his particular group of demons. Any input will be appreciated.

Finally, I just wanted to say that I've gotten to Chapter 7 of the second draft of Vitamin F. I'm also taking advantage of the process to write an extensive synopsis. I'm going to have to do it sooner or later.

Cosmic Troublemaker

2008-02-24T03:17:00.000-06:00

Today, I learned that Commander's purpose in life is to destroy destiny and change the nature of fate.

I'm still writing stuff for the Library. Today, I blasted through what will end up being 5 or 6 pages. In those pages, Commander found out his connection to the Golden Hollow--it turned a pair of newly formed twins into a single zygote. All the rules of his world, for the first time, are now meant to be broken.

I also realized that one of the volumes from the Library has been missing for years. Der Former now has said missing volume.

I know a while back, I promised that I would put some illustrations of Der Former up here. I haven't done that yet. Sorry. I have discovered an odd method to making color drawings. I start with a typical line/sketch drawing, like the ones I've posted in the past. Once I finish that, I put another page on top of the finished one and copy the lines using a pencil of the appropriate color. I worked on some pictures of Sandra Bright earlier, so I used a red pencil to copy the lines of her dress, which is red.

Sandra Bright would love to take over my book. Or she'd at least like to dominate as much of it as she possibly can. I've mentioned recently how she's gone from a character in one sequence of one book to being an essential character in this series. I'm going to end up restructuring an entire subplot of the series just to accomidate this character's long-term motivations. Work in progress, as they say.

Next time will be post 200. By the time that happens, I hope to have a few images to show. Bright (and possibly her inspiration) will be part of that. Der Former may come along for the ride. I might just have Commander or Kathryn make an appearance as well.

Library Tales

2008-02-21T01:16:00.000-06:00

In the first Commander novel, which I originally wrote from Fall of 1997 to Summer 1998, Commander found himself in Vancouver. While there, he wound up in a musty old bookstore filled with gargantuan books, that when he looked through them, were revealed as a chronicle of his life from start to finish.

I still like that idea. As I was working to change that plot into Mind & Machine, I found myself searching for some way to give these books a greater impact. My first thought was to make where they're kept be a bigger place--multiple levels, thousands of books, very scenic and impressive. Along with that, I knew that this place couldn't be musty and dark, but needed to be clear and bright (more on that in a moment).

I had a sequence prior to Commander's arrival in Vancouver where he briefly traveled with an old man named Albert, who was something of a fortune teller. The two ended up discussing Commander's back history, citing several of the simple reason why Commander became who he was. The sequence was a thin excuse to show off some benign parts of Commander's history, but Albert still holds, to me, a place of importance.

So I decide to put Albert in this library in Mind & Machine. He'd have to take on a different form, one of sage and advisor. But every myth has the old man who serves as sage an advisor. As much as I like Albert, I just couldn't make him fit, at least not alone.

I let the idea of what to do about Albert--or his replacement--sit for a while so I could figure out what this library was going to look like. I'd decided by this point that the books in the library couldn't be seen except by a specific group of people. However, if I wanted it to actually be this big, spacious library that I envisioned, I'd have to actually put it in a library. I started looking around for images of buildings in Vancouver, because I wanted the place to look distinct. I knew once I found a suitable location, I would have to find a reason why there was a library in this place, unless I put it in a public library.

Seriously, I knew an actual library wouldn't work. Libraries are too mundane for what I had in mind, especially when I decided that mine would have to store other things than just books. So I found this lovely building in Vancouver. As soon as I saw this picture, I knew it would be a great locale for the story, especially given the battle that has to take place on top of the library. Then I asked myself, "What is this place?"

It's the Vancouver Public Library. That's what I call serendipity.

With that detail firmly in place, I went back to Albert, and promptly dismissed him. He just wasn't going to fit. If I was still using the musty style from the old version, but I wasn't. I needed someting more distinct and someone still had to show Commander what was going on. Seeing some unique visual influences, I came up with a new character to serve as Commander's liason in the library.

Sandra Bright possesses an ageless beauty, has long dark blonde hair, and wears a very formal red sleeveless gown. She matches the elegance of the real library, but it a sharp contrast to what's going on around her. As I started to write out Bright's character I found her to be a gentle beacon for those fighting against the dark forces hidden away from society. Those aware of her would likely come to her in the hope of being led toward a direction; Bright doesn't point everything out, she helps people discover the truth, if at all possible.

As a side effect, along the way, I decided Bright was a telekinetic. I also decided that she had far too great a presence to have her appear only once. Soon, I'd decided that Bright and the Library would appear again in no less than two other books I have planned. As I wrote how Bright used her mind and no gesture to perform simple tasks telekinetically, I realized that Bright had become a baseline to examine the setting of The Golden Hollow. Bright niether overplays nor underplays the nature of the world or the powers at work in it. She is alwys clear and decisive in thought. And while many will think she's a villain, they might be surprised to find that she's effectively the supreme allied commander for telepaths around the world.

Notes from Stacey's Wedding

2008-02-10T01:54:00.000-06:00

My cousin Stacey got married this evening. It was a very nice ceremony, even though it was one of those long weddings--the ones that have a row of bridesmaids and groomsmen, along with three songs, a pillow boy (he doesn't have any rings), and a mess maker (the really little girl who dumps flower petals around for no good reason). I discovered several things that I feel I should point out.

The text on the back of the book is essential. I may be sci-fi oriented, but, just by using the back of the book, I might be able to draw interest for Vitamin F where I couldn't if it was slipped away in the science fiction section of a bookstore.

There's nothing wrong in telling others that I've written a novel. I realized this after I noted that I'd told my fifth grade teacher and a distant relative, even though I haven't told my own mom. I fixed that, but I didn't go into much detail because...

I'm not really proud of writing Vitamin F at this point. It's the whole issue of homosexuality combined with where my family lives. It's just not a good mix if you examine the book on a basic level. And if you're just joining us, I'm not gay.

I'm still jumping at shadows of my past. I've told the tale about the girl I like in high school before. Tonight, I saw someone on the staff at the reception that looked a lot like that girl. There was enough similarity that I asked my old classmates that were there to tell me if I was right or wrong.

"Oh, but you'll find the right girl someday." There was a sincerety with most of the people that said those words this evening, that I didn't feel like I was being slapped in the face by fate. Maybe it's true, maybe it's not, but I'm started to mellow on that topic. Maybe.

I may have more to tell later. For now, feel free to discuss.

Setting Up For Round Two

2008-02-07T23:56:00.000-06:00

I've been trying to find a few resources on agents, now that I've got an entire draft of Vitamin F finished. Of course, to be able to contact an agent, I'm going to need one other element in place, the synopsis. I already have an outline, but it works more like a road map for me to see what files make up the story; now that a full draft is finished, that file is getting closer and closer to being outdated.

In looking at my road map, I also notice that there's a nice trio of chapters dealing with a Fertility festival that really, really need to be reworked. So, needing something to fix my creative energies upon, I start trying to fix one of those chapters. To be brief, the rituals of Fertility are simple and have a very open way to interpret them.

The bad news came shortly after I finished repairing Chapter 33. I was thinking about putting it into proper format when I accidentally clicked on another editing module that made Word crash on me. So I had to bring the file back up. I could only get a read only copy, and that was the unedited text, which was useless to me. I needed to find what I fixed. Eventually I gave up and called no joy on it. I shut down Word and shut down the computer as well. When I took out my jump drive, I got an error message saying that there was a file still open on the jump drive. One restart later and I was looking at about 90% of the work I'd done today. I quickly saved and went about the rest of the day. I'd barely dodged the worst of a bullet there.

I've also been trying to write a little on Mind & Machine every day. I made something of a road map file for it, but, as I work on it, I've realized I need something a bit more complete. Since it's on a later draft than Vitamin F, I'm going to try to put together a synopsis of it some time in the near future. Right after I get the new details of the Commander mythos straightened out.

It's Done (for now)

2008-02-01T20:08:00.000-06:00

Around 5:45PM today, I finsihed the first draft of Vitamin F. The details of how I finished it can be summed up in saying that I continued to choose the small moments to tell the story. There's only one real, earth-shaking shift in the status quo, so I felt it would be totally unfair to change the rules at the very end. As things currently stand, all the major questions are answered, but there is still enough left open for the reader's interpretation.

If, by chance, I've left it too open-ended, I already know how I can fix it. I'll just steal a mechanic that I'm going to use at the beginning of Mind & Machine. As far as I'm concerned, most everything is wrapped up with the current draft. All that remains is fine-tuning and refinement, two things that will come in time.

But for now, I'm going to leave Bridgett, Penelope, and Oriane alone. They're probably tired of me messing with their lives.

One final note: The first piece of text I wrote for Vitamin F was dated 2-1-2007.

Did I Just Finish?

2008-02-01T06:02:00.000-06:00

I was just trudging through the end of Chapter 52, when I thought of a great way to end the sequence. Without giving much anything away, Oriane finds Penelope and Bridgett after the climax. Oriane has all the proper responses, given everything--and I mean everything--that's happened up to that moment. Literally, the chapter ends with Oriane closing a door. Yet, there is so much built in to closing that door.

There was a dark note in that sequence. That's not a spoiler since I think I've been fairly clear from day one that this was going to be a fairly dark story. Once I hit save on that chapter, I had a jolting thought: "Did I just finish Vitamin F?"

The more I think about it, I'm saying no. There are a small handful of unanswered questions as far as the plot goes, what happened to Oriane's sister being a big one. There's also something to deal with that I call main character identification. If Bridgett is the main character of this book, then I don't think it's fair to the readers to have her be largely absent from the last four chapters of a 52-chapter book. But if she's absent for four chapters only to have chapter 53 be only about her, then have chapter 54 be predominantly about her, then I think there's a better chance of readers being satisfied with the entire book.

Thinking about it again, Chapter 52 is about answering all the side questions. It's where I make the Brotherhood of Life seem like real bastards. It's one of those occasions where two characters I didn't think I was going to use more than once decide to show back up again.

Besides, I can't see there being about thirty pages after the last major scene with Bridgett. Like I said before, I think doing that would leave readers dissatisfied with the book as a whole if I did that.

Weird Questions, L, and Warm Sake

2008-01-28T02:40:00.000-06:00

I sat here earlier with a cup of warm sake--yes, I have a bottle of sake--trying to piece together a few things on Vitamin F. Right now, I've reached the brunt of the climax. Chapter 50 has turned out to be a beast, currently running about 18 pages. It would have been longer, but I lost a file completely and had to rewrite that content from scratch.

Note for the future: don't lose text that contains the death of a major character.

I've been lucky so far. Fifty chapters and I've only lost one file of text. Damn lucky if you ask me. And, yes, I've been backing my files up. A friend suggested I should start making hard copies as well, although that will get expensive quick.

On the topic of Vitamin F, I was discussing it with one of the beta readers, Megan, and we discussed the twist the story takes in Chapter 14. Not long after I clarify the twist to her, she asks me a very simple, yet odd, question. "If you had the chance to live as a girl for seven days, would you do it?" I had to get her to explain her question, and why she was asking it.

Megan wanted to know if I was given the option to change that one fact for seven days, keeping everything else just the way it is and everyone act just the same, would I do it. She also pointed out that she thought it would be interesting to do that, or to live as a kid again, or be an old person for a week. It was the whole point of view issue again, and, when I found that out, I wiped the figurative sweat from my brow. As a person who tries to be logical when possible and as a writer, there's really only one answer to the question she asked.

Still, to be asked such a thing, it put me into a seriously weird place. It's one thing to be asked to imagine walking around in someone else's shoes, but to be asked to see those shoes as having been mine in the first place... my skull was about ready to pop.

There are two really good things about this. I'm fairly certain what the last chapter of Vitamin F is going to be now. And I know that the whole understanding other people idea is definately coming across because of the book.

Ahead of Schedule?

2008-01-17T16:32:00.000-06:00

At the beginning of December, I gave myself a list of goals, extending over a two month period. Most of those involved reaching a certain chapter by a specific date. For example, I had to hit Chapter 30 by December 20th. I think that was the last one I got to by the date.

As I noted before, I had to trim out a sequence completely. As far as completion goals were concerned, this was the one thing slowing me down more than anything else. I did "cheat" in assembling blocks of text, noting what had to be changed, and then jumping past the bulk of the sequence entirely. It helped that a couple of the beta readers started to find time to read Vitamin F again.

It does wonders for a writer's motivation to hear that his readers are picking up on certain elements without being led to them. In ten pages, I convinced Angie that Adam John was the villian. In about 12 pages, Lyndsey got mad at Bridgett for spilling Delilah's secret.

My increased motivation has led to me cranking out completed chapters. Before I knew it, I found myself in the last 1/5 of the novel, the section where everything shifts from being subtle and subdued to being overt and violent. It's the part where most of the nasty things happen, containing some bits of text that, when I wrote them, made me step away from the computer for a few days. I'm also glad to say that I've already integrated the first piece of text I ever wrote for Vitamin F--it's the start of Chapter 41, when Adam John first speaks to Bridgett privately.

Expunging Chapters

2008-01-04T05:30:00.000-06:00

As much as I hate the thought, I'm going to have to ditch at least a couple of chapters of what I've currently completed of Vitamin F.

When I first made the list of groups I'd make mad with the novel, I knew that Christians as a whole would be one of those groups. Blatantly describing a future world where your religion gets supplanted by another--almost overnight--will tend to make members of the real religion upset. The transition was one I felt was important in the progression of Bridgett's life during the year that starts when she meets Penelope.

The more I've thought about everything, the more I've noticed that the nature of religion in Vitamin F isn't massively important before this problematic point, nor is it important after that point. It's also something that slows me down every time I come to it. Perhaps the idea of a religion capturing the hearts of every person in a single country is a bit too far-fetched for myself. Or it might be that I just didn't care for how that element of the story was playing out.

My solution is to just cut that bit of the story out. I'll have to patch a few things up about it, but the mass conversion angle has to go. There's only so much bullshit an audience can swallow and I think that might be a bit too much.

Reinvigorating The Golden Hollow

2007-12-31T00:57:00.000-06:00

It's funny how life will sometimes find ways to remind you of what you should be doing. A couple of weeks ago, I met a girl who had a lot in common with one of the core characters of my writing. Faintly similar hair color, similar body structure, same phonetic name even. Personality--totally different. Still, it's nice to meet people who stand out in such a way that I want to give greater depth to the stories I write and the characters I create.

The major hurdle I have right now is trying to face down writing interaction between a character that was initially inspired by a girl I liked in high school and another character that is based quite a bit on myself. Plus, I feel I have to stay somewhat objective about the whole thing as well.

Anyway, I really feel like I can make my characters be truly fictional creations. I can make my characters have traits distinctive from the people I initially base those characters on. And, yes, I know that I'm taking aspects from other people to do it, but I hear most writers do exactly that.

A Few Notes of Criticism

2007-12-30T01:58:00.000-06:00

As of late, I have some bones to pick with Marvel Comics.

Before I do that, I want to say that I am enjoying several books published under their banner. The X-Men line with Messiah CompleX has been a great read. The ideas are constantly pushing forward in those books, while playing proper credence to the past. So often in the past few years, Cyclops would be played as in love with Emma Frost to such a degree that he was her lapdog. Now he's the most conflicted member of their ranks, having to lead a massive offensive against his own son, while on a subtle level he keeps questioning what's really going on. Cyclops is the leader at last and he doesn't have to be compromised on any of his values in order to pull it off.

This is just a small example of what's good about the X-Men.

Now, I could say what was bad about Spider-man right now, but I'm sure a lot of you have heard it before. Sure, we've got his identity concealed again. Peter's back to using webshooters and he's got conflict with Harry Osborn to look forward to. But the price was a story I've seen referred to as being "worse than the Clone Saga." If you know Spider-man comics, then you cringe at the thought of the Clone Saga. Someday, you might cringe at the idea of One More Day as well.

No, my note of criticism toward Marvel is about it's marriage policy. Joe Quesada has claimed for years that he, nor Marvel are anti-marriage. Here was his opportunity to prove that point. Instead, he proved ours. I would have loved to have been wrong about there being an anti-marriage policy at Marvel, but they just took the third of the crown gems and pissed on it.

(I describe the crown gems of Marvel couples being Reed and Sue Richards, Cyclops and Phoenix, and Spider-man and Mary Jane. If someone knows of a Marvel couple that is just as iconic, feel free to say.)

First, Quesada set Grant Morrison loose with his "I don't pay attention to what's come before bullshit." This cost us not only Jean Grey-Summers, but it screwed up Cyclops so badly, Joss Whedon couldn't fix him. Cyclops had to be forced into the role of the cheater, even though thirty years of material said that Jean would be more likely to cheat. Current writers now have to slip in notes to say that Cyclops still mourns Jean on a daily basis, just so people won't remember that only a few years ago there was a Cyclops/Emma Frost makeout scene taking place on Jean's grave. Score: Bullshit 1, Iconic Marriages 0

Next, Quesada had to create friction in every book with their Civil War event. In order to convince someone that Iron Man wasn't trying to conquer the world, editorial decided that all the scientist characters had to fall in line with Iron Man's thinking, while all the nice characters had to say Iron Man is evil. Thus, Reed likes Iron Man's fascist ideals and Sue kicks him out of bed for it. Later she leaves. Fortunately, someone in Marvel realized that the Fantastic Four is a family first, so the couple was removed from the book (for "counseling") and the ultra-forced Strom/Black Panther duo (which only existed in Reggie Hudlin's mind) was added. Score: Bullshit 2, Iconic Marriages 1

Now, we have One More Day. This was marketed as "we're killing the marriage because it started badly." (Anyone else thinking that about Storm and Black Panther?) During his tenure, Quesada has had no less than three plausible periods in while the Spider-man/Mary Jane relationship could end and he didn't make it happen there. After Mary Jane's stalker abducted her, she left for Hollywood--it could have ended there and just been bad writing. When Peter ran out to Hollywood to find his wife, there was a well-written moment when, if neither said another word, the marriage was done; yet, they finally started talking again and made it work. In the aftermath of Civil War, she could have taken the bullet that Aunt May got--a bit forced, but still within the realm of reason.

But no, we've got to have the most forced story ever. It would have made sense if Loki had been the deal-maker, since Loki still owes Spider-man a favor. But no, Mephisto, a character that shouldn't give half a crap about Spider-man makes it all happen. And Mephisto didn't even get Peter's soul out of the deal! What kind of lousy half-wit devil doesn't write in a loophole to take someone's soul. Fourteenth Century peasants who couldn't even read could figure that one out. Unfortunately, Joe Quesada can't.

Quesada burned a lot of her personal capital with Straczynski in convincing the writer to keep his name on the last two issues of the story--a move that was vital to maintaining long-term sales, especially in trade formats. Quesada had to manufacture a good portion of the story to end up with a result that he wanted. The story didn't matter at all to him, only the result. Now a massive hole has been punched in every Spider-man appearance in the last twenty years. Score: Bullshit 3, Iconic Marriages 1

So, if you like Spider-man, I have an odd request for you. You might think I'm a bit hypocritical for saying this, but I feel it's worth saying again. My request is that you refrain from buying Spider-man comic books. In order to make Dan Buckley realize a leadership change must be enacted, you need to vote with you wallet. Don't spend another cent on Spider-man comics. This goes double for anyone who has been reading Spider-man since the Sins Past storyline where many of Straczynski's fans left. If you truly care about Spider-man, you must stop buying. The Quesada and the editorial staff are playing the part of Mephisto, the devil torturing Peter Parker's soul. Those of us who care about Spider-man need to save him from his agony, and for each Spider-man comic we buy, that agony will continue.

A final thought. If you're going to claim your work doesn't have a perceived message, those works need to clearly support your position--Don't say you're for marriage when you're really disrupting the longest running marriages.

Generations and Inspiration

2007-12-12T01:32:00.000-06:00

A couple of days ago, I got a call from my sister. She had some interesting news to impart to me, simply the fact that she's pregnant. I haven't quite gotten used to this fact, although my brother-in-law says he has. There are a lot of implications this has toward me--a reminder that I am aging, as I want to deny it; there will soon be another person that I will undoubtedly know is genetically related to me; a reason to remember my lack of experience on many of the maturity fronts.

I could give a stack of reasons that would be odd or unique to me, but one simple fact remains: I'm going to be an uncle and I'm weirded out by that. What I mean is--this is a link between me and the next generation. This will be a person I will share 25% of my genes with, the single greatest level of anyone outside of my sister. (I'm playing biologist for the sake of this arguement.)

Only in the past year, have I really started to understand the link between this generation and any generation to come. Here's how I came to think about that link in the first place:

When I first saw the theatrical preview for Children of Men, I couldn't completely fathom the consequence of there not being another generation of humanity. The idea that all humanity's accomplishments would have absolutely no meaning whatsoever inside of a few decades... it was a chilling thought when it first struck my mind.

I didn't know then that I would be so inspired by this film. I didn't know that I would be so moved by readically different world created by the alteration of a single biological principle. I knew, back in January when I first saw Children of Men, that it put my mind in certain mode, ready to explore my creative mind in new, wondrous ways.

But I think I'll discuss this more later...

Visual Storytelling

2007-11-30T01:38:00.000-06:00

Not too long ago, I had a chance to see this movie. An early example of the use of digital sets (much like Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow) Casshern in a lot of ways, is a live-action anime. Literally. It's based on an anime from the 1970s (called Casshan in the US), even maintaining the mech designs for the robots that appear in the film.

The version of Casshern I watched was the recent DreamWorks DVD release. It's full of over-simplified subtitles, and missing twenty minutes of footage. But what I saw was something incredible. Full of life and color, even when depicting drab death. It's full of imagery concerning revenge, hate, bioethics--everything typically found in seinen anime, such as RahXephon or Gundam Wing. It's very smooth and epic, yet still maintaining a very personal form of storytelling.

I knew I really was enjoying this film when it ended. The final sequence shows a very dreamlike resolution for each character, a resolution involving no words, only two and a half minutes of visuals involving the various characters.

I would hope that any story that tries to balance the line between action and emotion would learn from the example Casshern makes. Highly recommended.

Beta Plot Twists

2007-11-24T03:02:00.000-06:00

As I previously hinted, one of the beta reader received Chapter 14 of Vitamin F today. It didn't take her long to get through it either.

Angie asked me a few questions before she started reading it. "Is Delilah dead?" I said that would be addressed in Chapter 15, which I also gave her. I asked her to mark down anything and everything she could think of about what she was reading. In a previous conversation, I warned her that I'd know when she met it just by her expression, she wouldn't even have to say she'd read it.

I didn't know how right I was. Angie was walking around close to the register I was working at. I noticed that she glanced my way a few times and had a look that said she was thinking about something. When she started coming forward (there were times when the register wasn't busy, even on Black Friday), I couldn't help but say, "I see that you've read it."

"I did not see that coming."

My response. "You weren't supposed to. Although, I did leave little clues in almost every chapter."

"Yeah. The title was a pretty big clue, but I wasn't sure how until I read it."

"That was one thing," I said.

"And," Angie said, "I've been wondering why Bridgett was the main character. Now I know why."

We discussed things about the chapter itself. Little things past that point. In celebration of the chapter doing it's job, we did the whole high-5 thing, and Angie gave me her official comment on the chapter: "Holy Fucking Shit!"

After One Hundred Days

2007-11-19T20:38:00.000-06:00

A while back, I gave myself a loose due date to finish a draft of Vitamin F. I gave myself 100 days to finish a draft by. Well, the 100 days ended on Saturday and I still don't have a completed draft. Instead, I've got a few other things that I think will be helpful in the long term.

First of all, I've assembled 21 complete chapters, for a total of 233 pages of completed text. I'm around halfway through the plot, as well as the material I have generated since February 1. I've had to stop no less than three times before now to write an entire chapter from scratch; these chapters have been among the finest I've written.

I've assembled a good group of Beta readers. There are seven of them in total that have provided me with some degree of feedback, if only on the first couple of chapters. Just to reveal the demographics a little, there are two men and five women. The age range starts in the early twenties and goes all the way to the mid-forties. Two readers tear and rip the story to shreds, although they do so in different ways. Two read the story casually, much in the way most readers will read novels. Two have given me only the most basic of feedback, not quite tearing it to shreds, but not reading it casually either. The last has given me a wide range of perspectives to think about while writing.

Being on such a creative track has gotten me thinking about The Golden Hollow again, something I hadn't forgotten about in my mind, even though I'd done little writing on the subject in some time.

I've learned that in order to sell this thing, I don't have to play my hand. Only the men who are reading Vitamin F know the plot twist. One of the women is about to find out, but that's only because of how far she's progressed through the story. Over half of the readers don't yet know what this book is specifically about, but they are still enjoying it.

In about a week or so, I'll probably report on how that plot twist is recieved. I'm definately looking forward to that.

Fulfiling Promises

2007-11-15T04:23:00.000-06:00

I thought I would go ahead and introduce you to Kadium, one of the central figures in the mythos of The Golden Hollow. Take a second and I'll fill in a few details.

Aside from the rustic qicture quality, you can see what he wears a large cloack over his armor and sits on a large throne, thinking a lot. Thinking's all he's done for a few hundred years. If you look close, you might also notice that his face is just as silver as the rest of his body. That's because he is the armor he's wearing. He's over seven feet tall, has all the qualifications of a demon, a robot, and a sorceror--even though he's an ancient being sealed inside another dimension.

In other news, one of my Vitamin F readers is on the cusp of reading the big plot twist. Remember? That little bit of information about Bridgett's chromosomes? It's exciting to get to find out a reader's honest reaction to that idea.

Finally, I might start posting a few of my shorter works online. I'm not sure if I will or not, but it's something I'm considering. If I decide to get it set up, I'll let you know.

Catching Up With Commander

2007-11-09T15:10:00.000-06:00

I've neglected my oldest creation for too long. He's restless, mad, and ready to kick someone's ass. He'd really like to beat the hell out of a villain I called The Controller, but he can't find The Controller.

A few weeks back, I was fooling around with a phrase translation website and I decided to type in "the controller" just to see what would come up. That, and Controller sounds a bit too much like Commander. I don't want these characters to get confused with one another. When I changed the phrase to "the shaper" I came up with something that stuck out at me: Der Former. I found it interesting because the group of people that I had working for The Controller at one time called themselves "the Formers."

That's why Commander should be hunting down Der Former.

Of course, I should tell you how I've recently redesigned Der Former without redesigning him at all. His look was always meant to include a brown cape, which he uses to conceal his armor from view. He's got long brown hair and wears a gold mask. "Wears" is the wrong word now. You can't wear something that's bonded to your skin, literally hammered into place. His armor isn't just to provide him a place to store all his super powers now either--it's a containment shell for all his replaced organs. I had the thought that he should find people with powers, see who's the best, then harvest the appropriate organs so he can improve himself, shape himself into a more perfected being.

I've yet to finish a drawing of the (re)design, but once I do, I'll post a copy of it. This guy is going to be the result of some masochistic science experiement, one that's always a work in progress. Der Former's goals as of late have been refined from "general antagonistic manipulation" to a specific goal of seeing that The Three Rituals of Kadium are prevented from happening.

By the way, this story I've been describing is a planned revision of the first novel I ever wrote. At the time, I gave it the title Life is Pain, but that's gotten dried out over time and I want something better. I'm thinking about a new title, Mind and Machine, to describe some of the basic conflicts that continuously occur throughout Commander's journeys.

My plan at the moment is to include the concept of The Three Rituals of Kadium throughout The Golden Hollow until Kadium actually shows up. I've always wanted this character to have a powerful presence. I'll try to give him that by having a group of his followers try to complete one of the rituals in Mind and Machine, one crazed rogue disciple complete a ritual in the second book, and Kadium can burst free in the third book--maybe I should call that one The Third Ritual.

The Idea of a Person

2007-10-31T23:47:00.000-05:00

The idea of a person--our own hopes and expectations of who and what someone is or could be--that's what we want a person to be. If we want someone to love, we give our idea of the person we want traits that make them more desireable. We idealize and optimize those we say we care about by accepting and idea instead of the actual person.

I know I've been guilty of this plenty of times. I was once accused of caring about my idea of someone and not that person--all as a reason why I should back the hell off of them.

The girl I thought liked me has been guilty of this as well. I think what happened was something (What, I don't know) happened in her life and she wanted her boyfriend to listen to her and talk with her about the things she actually cares about. I say this because I'm fairly certain that the following things are true:

1. My initial assessment that this girl had a boyfriend and, as a result, isn't worth the effort.
2. That she was shooting me signals over the past few weeks.
3. That she's not going to send me any more signals.

Before I started to think she was shooting me signals, I'd talked to this girl about teaching--she's studying it, I used to do it, and my sister still deals with it. I'm willing to bet her boyfriend isn't a teacher. Most of the signals came about after a conversation about teaching. My knowledge of the subject made her more comfortable.

I'd say we all want some degree of sympathy from others. I think she must have been at a distance from said boyfriend for a while given her radical shift back to near-silence on her part. This is naturally after he boyfriend must have visited her over the weekend.

Since she's satisfied now (or for the time being, if you want a colder assessment), she's not shooting any more signals at me. I created a chance to. I cracked jokes with her, but she just didn't respond. That's why I think she was drawn to her idea of me, not the real me. (She's never once that I can recall asked me about my writing.)

I sure this is the sort of thing that will eventually come out of the subtext of my writing, so I thought I'd address it now while it was fresh in my mind. Feel free to ridicule my stream of consciousness writing if you like. This post is more for my benefit than anything else.

The good news--my instincts were right about this girl from the beginning.

Tides in the Storm

2007-10-31T01:43:00.000-05:00

There's no distraction like having everything important get complicated all the sudden. I went through several chapters, assembling three every two days for almost a week. Of course, I ran into another chapter I have to write from scratch and that slowed everything down a bit.

I found that there were a pair of characters I thought were going to be in a single chapter, which would conclude their role. As I created them, I knew I could make them part of the wider tapestry of events. I let this happen, but I kept their presence to only being in Chapter 7. I'm thinking I'll be using them in Chapter 19 as well.

I'm currently trying to figure out if a girl I know likes me. It's not like the debacle from a few months back. The girl I'm talking about now has been shooting signals at me for a couple of weeks now. She randomly touched me last week, which clued me in to what she might be doing. She's been trying to talk to me a lot of the time as well--and this girl is definately the quiet type. And I haven't forgotten that she's tall and pretty as well.

With all these odd frustrations, I managed to not use my computer for about three days. From Friday to yesterday (Monday), I didn't even turn my computer on. I'm picking my habits back up again. The words must flow.

Oh Really, Swan?

2007-10-19T05:55:00.000-05:00

Today's been a banner day for Vitamin F progress.

Lyndsey gave me a few more notes on what she's read. She's even more pleased than she was before with the story and the characters. In an effort to help me, she asked a lesbian friend of hers to look over the first couple of chapters. The result was Lyndsey's friend sent me an author's name for the puposes of finding the right tone for a lesbian character. More on that in a bit.

I still get a lot of accolades for the History class sequences, those quick beats where I reveal the history of this world without going into a great deal of exposition. While putting together a sequence where the instructor talks about the Uprising to some degree, I stumbled upon a couple of things. The first was the name of the first Queen (or her mother, I haven't decided): Nancy Osteen. Nancy Osteen is a historical figure, a woman who went out into a frenzy of battle, methodically conquering North America, one small town at a time. The second thing I figured out came from the following text: "Nancy Osteen wanted her opressors to choke themselves with plague and contamination." When I wrote those words down, I realized the accelerated crash of the male genome was not a natural occurence.

Along that realm of thinking, I was doing some research on the author Lyndsey's friend had suggested: Rita Mae Brown. Aside from her starting her career as a novelist writing a book using a first person lesbian protagonist, Ms. Brown has had a most unique history. She was involved in the civil rights movement to a limited degree, she was one of the more outspoken participants in the feminist movement. She was also involved with a group who launched a feminist newsletter committed to--if you can believe this--gathering women together to isolate themselves from "men and men-loving women." Why? They thought patriarchal society was the source of all oppression.

After a little more digging, I learned that there were quite a few distinguished women that were members of groups with similar goals. A few of these even wanted to make militant efforts to achieve their goals (they've since recanted). I just find it interesting an odd that the outlandish fictional idea I came up with actually has a few real world parallels.

Female POV, Male voice

2007-10-13T04:47:00.000-05:00

Despite all the odd trappings of Vitamin F, it's supposed to be a story about women, following women during their lives. One of my beta readers differs with me on this fact.

Lyndsey said that she felt the dialogue was a little stiff and a few cliches were used. She didn't say which ones. She was very intrigued by the plot (of the first two chapters). Her response, in a word, was postive. She asked me to send her more.

It was her explanation that, even though she was reading about a female character, she could sense the male writer behind the scenes. She doesn't know anything about the plot twist either. All she knows is that I made some subtle word choices that continuously remind her that "A GUY IS WRITING THIS."

I just wish I knew what those subtle word choices were. That way, I could make the audience forget about me and focus completely on the characters and story.

The Editing Blues

2007-10-03T04:21:00.000-05:00

--Imagine the character Calhoun Tubbs (Old Blues Singer) from In Living Color while reading this post.

You know, I was trying to move forward with the editing of Vitamin F, but my readers needed me to move backward, which made me think, "Maybe I'll just stand still." Wrote a song 'bout it. Like to hear it?--Here it go.

"Editing a book isn't easy
"It's harder trying to go over three points at a time
"Ah-ahhh"

Thank ya very much!

And I was thinking about what might make things so rough in when I go to edit something else. It's not an easy thing I'm doing here, especially when I've been wondering if one of my characters might be going bad. Wrote a song 'bout it. Like to hear it?--Here it go.

"Trying to keep a character from going bad is tough
"At least she's not trying to destroy the world all at once
"Ah-ahhh"

Thank ya very much!

Now sometimes, I can be a little tough on myself about all this. I see some people doing well with their lives and think why I don't have that. I haven't wrote no song 'bout that, but I can try to make one up right now. Like to hear it?--Here it go.

"Some people are going around making money
"But I'm about to get a big fat raise and will some day make millions
"Ah-ahhh"

Thank ya very much!

(You know I'm just having fun. That's the joy of writing and editing in the middle of the night.)

Editing Sex Scenes

2007-09-26T03:15:00.000-05:00

In my history of writing, I've written two sex scenes. The first was a scene from Ashes of War that I put together last summer. The other is a key scene from Vitamin F, a scene that has been read by two other people now.

I don't like writing about sex. I feel like I'm describing something cheesy and stupid. I feel dumb for having written it. I know that it's actually solid writing, but I just don't believe in those scenes. For me, sex is an imaginary concept, nothing more than an expresion of lust.

I can deal with having written these scenes well enough. Hearing my words being read by someone else is another matter. One of my beta readers reviewed some of the text with me over the phone. I felt like it was all a big joke, even though that wasn't the case.

Keeping in mind my inherent hesitations on the subject, I'm fairly sure I'm going to dodge writing any more sex scenes for the forseeable future. It wasn't an experience I was pleased with, so unless it's vital to the story, from now on, I'm going to keep away from it.

Less screwing around. More blowing shit up.

I Need To Post Something!

2007-09-20T04:19:00.000-05:00

That's taken care of now, I think.

In addition to my chapter assembling and other editing, I've been trying to put together another idea. This one's not something that I've fully fleshed out as of yet, but I know a few of the elements already. I've been gorging myself on Japanese culture for a while, but recently, I've been drowning in the samurai concept.

Samurai movies: The Last Samurai, Yojimbo, Versus (to a limited degree).
Samurai music: The Last Samurai soundtrack, various Princess Mononoke and Inuyasha mp3s.
Samurai video games: Samurai Warriors.
Samurai books: Across the Nightingale Floor, by Lian Hearn; The Last Samurai: The Life and Battles of Saigo Takamori, by Mark Ravina.

Funny thing is, except for the book on Saigo Takamori, none of those inspired this idea. What I've thought up is a story in three time periods, each featuring a main character of a shared bloodline. The earliest point would be around 1600 and feature the Battle of Sekigahara. The second would take place during the Satsuma Rebellion and feature a follower of Saigo Takamori. The third would be close to the present, starring a kendo instructor who taught Commander to use a katana.

A lot of the structure is similar to a book a read about six months ago, Autumn Bridge, by Takeshi Matsuoka. It's a multi-generational story set during the Warring States period, the Meiji Restoration, and post-Meiji Tokyo/San Francisco. It features a unique concept on prophetical messages--information imparted by a spirit fron the past is actually a conversation a living woman had hundreds of years earlier with a vision of the future. The other time periods are ghosts, be they from the past or the future.

Some Returns

2007-09-11T03:39:00.000-05:00

I found out a fine bit of information earlier. It appears that, after a few years being practically joined at the hip to Deadpool--which is a wonderfully entertaining thing itself--Cable is finally getting his own series again. It's about six months away and I'm really looking forward to it (since Cable is my favorite comic book character). Here's some series art from Ariel Olivetti:

Not totally crazy about the costume. It's a little too 1990s for me, but that's what a lot of people are clinging to these days. If you look close, Cable's finally got the proper number of scars on his right eye again (three). Coming March 2008.

On another note, I finally touched base with my overt creative drive today. I was looking through the list of files I have on Vitamin F, and I found I needed to touch another note on Oriane's quest to find the pharmacist's killer. What I decided to do was have her seek out a few potential suspects and keep coming short, only being able to speak with one of the people she's after. The suspect she eventually does speak with enrages her to such a degree, she invokes a genetic audit on him, paying off several references I've put to the procedure throughout the novel.

I mention it because, in the process of assembling the chapters, I've been unable to do any real raw writing. It's the one near-regret I have over being this far along with the writing on Vitamin F.

Chapter Notes

2007-09-06T05:07:00.000-05:00

In the past week, I've managed to assemble everything through Chapter 5 of Vitamin F. It's been an interesting challenge assembling everything from the piecemeal files I've already made. It's always a bit irritating, but I have occasional moments of clarity that bring everything back together, making it well worth the frustration.

My process is simple. I've already got a loose synopsis, labelling each plot point with the file the text can be found in. I just bring up the files, make sure they're the pieces I want, then make a new file with all the parts thrown in. A few hours later, I'll slowly read through the makeshift chapter, changing any bits of text as I go through. Inevitably, I'll come to some point that feels clunky as a transition from one section to another. A few sentences later, and I'm off running again.

The clunky transitions are the biggest problem at the end of a chapter. Sometimes, I'll have a new batch of files set aside to make the next chapter. When this is the case, I'll have to stop and focus for a few minutes on what I need to do. I've been lucky in that the pieces of text I come up with at these points don't have to be as smooth transitions, since each chapter usually has its own set of inner themes to deal with, something I don't carry over to the next chapter.

The end of Chapter 2 had a note telling me to write more on the scene. There might have been 100 words before the note, so it was very open-ended. I had already developed a conversation about majors between Bridgett and Penelope, which turned momentarily into information about their parents--Bridgett's were dead, Penelope's mother is a bitch. There, I lucked out again because the next chapter was the introduction of Oriane Panettiere, Penelope's mother. I didn't originally want to establish that until much later, but I knew it was better to imply the connection up front. It let's me avoid having to create any extra tension by letting the story between the lines express what's going on.

Speaking of Oriane, it's time I visited her contribution to the story again. I don't want to establish an every third Chapter pattern with her, but right now, I need to cut away from Bridgett and Penelope for a bit. Let them have some time to themselves without the writer butting in, screwing it all up.

Filling in Missing Pieces

2007-08-28T02:15:00.000-05:00

In putting together Vitamin F, I've found myself at a point where I have several large holes in the storytelling. Over the past week, I've been patching these holes one by one. This should get me to a point within the next week or so where I've got 98% of the text in place for a first draft. After that, I'll just put it into chapters and go from there.

I know I've mentioned this before, but I thought I needed to say what was going on again. Why? While I patch these holes, I constantly ask myself, "What am I going to work on next?"

I'd been putting together a loose plot outline for The Silent Covenant. By itself, that's not a problem, but when viewed as part of The Golden Hollow, it's a big problem. How many novel series start with one of the later books that get published? I can only think of two, the Patternist books by Octavia E. Butler and the Hawkeye books by James Fenimore Cooper. Since I'd be going in a random order, only Bulter's series would work as an example (Cooper's series moves chronologically backwards from book to book).

I've been reading Grave Peril, one of Jim Butcher's Dresden Files books. Those go in order, sometimes filling in tiny specks of past detail as they arise in the story. Grave Peril even includes one of Dresden's closest friends and fellow try-to-do-gooder, Michael. No introduction for Michael is given; we're just thrown right in the middle of their latest battle against the legions of invading ghosts.

All these things have been running around in my mind, trying to sort out what I should do about the various stories I have about Commander and his warped world. I put together a draft of a Commander novel about ten years ago and have done little with it. There are some characters I need to swap in and out for various reasons, all of which resulting in a major rewrite.

Initially, Commander's motivation was going to be to stop The Organization and its associates from attacking his friends, but that's a loose and melodramatic reason. Last night, I thought of a better reason. Instead of attacking his friends, maybe The Organization snags one of them. Maybe they snag Kathryn Angel--the Golden Hollow herself--and hold her hostage. Sure it's been done, but it's a lot more active a motivation than a generic threat. It also has the benefit of tying everything into the overall series plot instead of being an introduction to that world and its inhabitants.

I've also been experimenting with titles for the old novel once I get it revised. I don't have any big contenders yet, but I'm going to change it to something not Life is Pain. I didn't realize it at the time, but the class I was in was right; that's a crappy title.

Notes on Progress

2007-08-25T02:15:00.000-05:00

I came to an odd realization today, one that I feel obligated to share. I know that this is a thought that has influenced my writing (especially Vitamin F) and will continue to do so.

In the movie Children of Men, Chiwetel Ejiofor plays a revolutionary, waiting for "The Uprising" to occur. During this conflict, all of society's outcasts will band together to overthrow the government for ostracizing them.

Today I saw a former member of a federal civil rights committee explain the moral, fair reasons why homosexuals should not be allowed to marry. Someone who is supposed to define civil rights was explaining why one group of people should be allowed to do something, while another group should not.

I'm trying to keep religion out of this one, but this goes back to my mindset on the issues that made me come up with Vitamin F. I'm doing this, in part, because I remember what I learned as a child--do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I do my best to stick to that rule, which I do understand isn't easy, but it's still right.

Anyway, I saw footage from a seminar today that made me think that our society is one tiny bit closer to fully ostracizing homosexuals, which in turn brings us one tiny bit closer to "The Uprising." I hope I'm wrong, but I'm going to err on the safe side. I'm going to use Vitamin F to stop the problem by giving readers a future to avoid.

In the immortal words of Rodney King, "Can't we all just get along?"

All the Stories are Anansi's

2007-08-20T02:06:00.000-05:00

I've just finished reading Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman. I enjoyed the book. It wasn't Neverwhere, but what is? Neverwhere is probably one of the three best books I've ever read.

There's a line in Anansi Boys that keeps coming up. "All the stories belong to Anansi..." I bring it up because Mr. Nancy/Anansi was a spider. Storytelling is often referred to in arachnid terms.

"[Fill in the blank writer] really knows how to weave a story." "The plot has a complex web of twists and turns." This is how we typically describe storytelling, in terms of a spider.

In The Diamond Age, the first character introduced doesn't directly interact with either of the main characters. Yet he is till important because the key protagonist is his daughter, while the secondary protagonist is one of his son's robbery victims. The Diamond Age is all about distant, but interwoven stories. Guess Anansi got his hands on that story too.

I guess it's just the scientist in me, but I think it's odd that, as a culture, we use simple descriptions of nature to describe some of the most complicated things.

Goals and Rewards

2007-08-15T03:24:00.000-05:00

Last week, I started a countdown. I gave myself one hundred days to get a draft of Vitamin F put together. That means I've got to get the core story put down, as well as assembled into chapters. Nothing can be left out; it's all got to come together. I've got until November 17th to meet that goal.

Let's say I meet that goal. There should be some sort of reward, or at least a celebration to mark the occasion. I think back to the opening scene of the movie Misery. James Caan's character finishes writing a book, has a cigarette and a glass of champagne. A simple celebration.

I've got a different idea, brought on by going to my class reunion. The final part of the reunion was making a trip to a nightclub called "Scooters." Strobe lights, faint cigarette smoke, dancing, drinking, all the usual things.

Here's where I start talking about beautiful women again. I saw a woman close to my age. She was between 5'8" and 5'10" with long legs, nice breasts, and a lovely face (I saw her face last). Her hair, god her hair, it was a soft auburn, balanced right between red and brown; her hair ran halfway down her back. So what if she drank? So what if she smoked--hell, she stood around proving that holding a cigarette can make a woman just a little bit sexier.

If this had been taking place somewhere closer to me, I'd have talked to her, maybe even danced with her. But I used distance as an excuse not to go talk to her--which was dumb since several of my old classmates knew this woman. It's in the past, so I'm not going to worry about it.

However, I had the insane thought that, once I get that draft of Vitamin F finished, I should go to one of the clubs around here and make up for my mistake. I'm not saying that I will or won't find a nice girl to talk to, but it wouldn't hurt to try. If nothing else, I can always use the topic of "I've just finished the first draft of my novel" to stir up some conversation.

Three May Be Too Much

2007-08-10T02:24:00.000-05:00

Despite my better judgment, I've started reading another book, bringing my current count up to three. It's a crazy thing, trying to read more than one book at once. You've got to make sure they are different enough that you won't confuse them with each other.

The book I can only read at home is The Diamond Age by Neal Stephenson. It's a major exercise in "postcyberpunk," which differs from cyberpunk in that the characters are either trying to maintain the status quo or improve it. In cyberpunk, the protagonists tend to try to tear down their societies, or at least fight against them to some degree. This is the kind of book you can only read alone. Having any real distractions will pull you far enough away that you can't comprehend anything from the text.

The book I'm reading for fun is Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman. It's a spinoff of American Gods and is completely twisted and fun. A quick read, as most of Gaiman's books are. With little effort, I've blasted over a third of the way through the trials and tibulations of Fat Charlie Nancy.

The third book is a book I have been compelled to read. A friend of mine, upon hearing about Vitamin F said it reminded her, to some degree, of The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. It's a dystopian novel about the persecution of women in an infertile world, all orchestrated by a theocracy. I'm curious to see how Atwood plays with infertility, since it's not total infertility like in The Children of Men (another book I still need to read).

Remarkably, I've kept the three titles distinct so far. Let's hope I can keep it up.

Creations of Shadows and Dust

2007-08-09T04:06:00.000-05:00

In Gladiator, the character Proximo speaks of fame and glory as being "shadows and dust," a phrase which proves to be his last words. A common expression of illusion over the years, especially to Neil Gaiman fans, is "smoke and mirrors." However you might want to say it, it all amounts to misdirection.

We all want to believe in magic. We all want to be fooled. No one claps until the last part of the magic trick, The Prestige, brings back what disappeared to begin with.

You see, I've learned something in the past few weeks. Call it an objective observation on human nature, if you like. But people, no matter who they are, will partition their lives. They only give out bits of their personalities to certain groups, almost never revealing who they really are to anyone.

There are a fair number of friends, close friends, that I haven't told the plot of Vitamin F about. I haven't even given a hint of the story to my family. That is how I conceal my life, although I'm sure there are probably more examples than that. I'll be nice and give you another one.

I've got a 10-year high school reunion coming up. The organizer asked me to bring paper cups and plates to the afternoon portion. Since this portion of the reunion is potluck and involves screaming children, I decided I wasn't going. Did I tell anyone involved? No. I tricked them into thinking I'd be there. As I said, they wanted to be fooled, just as I wanted to be fooled when I was trying to get a date with one of my coworkers. I cleared the air, wiping away that smoke, all those shadows and dust. I'm sure the organizer isn't pleased to hear I'm not coming to that part; we've been friends our whole lives.

The sad thing is that we don't see around the illusions unless there's good reason to. And that is something that doesn't happen without some degree of discomfort. I thought I was good friends with the coworker I asked out, and maybe I am. But there's been a distinct air of "you don't know a damn thing about me" coming off her in the days since. It made things awkward for a while, but things are moving back to where they were and I'm glad.

Writers will exploit this sense of self-deception, this illusory field of shadows and dust, when they present the plot on the back cover of the book. That cover is a way to sell you on the contents of the book. A lot of times, the cover will tell you the truth. Most of the time, it's only telling you half the truth. Most of Greg Rucka's books work this way. The back cover of Vitamin F that I presented not too long ago is laden with half-truth as well.

So I go now, to write my paranoid little book with it's paranoid little thoughts. I leave you for now with a crumb of paranoia: When we read or watch TV or play a video game, we want to believe. We want to be fooled.

It's just in our natures to be this way.

1732

2007-08-04T03:59:00.000-05:00

Did an amazing amount of writing on Thursday. I was delving into the rationale of an incredibly sadistic character, actually letting her lash out at the world to the full extent that she really wanted to. It involved a minigun, specifically the Spanish Ameli, which is traditionally mounted in helicopters since the early 1980s.

It turned out to be lots of death and killing, madness and torment. At 1732 words, it turned out to be one of the most productive days I've had since I started keeping a running record of my progress.

Tomorrow, I'm going to try to feel out a few more beta readers and officially build that list.

Conversations with Women & Other Imaginary Concepts

2007-07-31T03:37:00.000-05:00

Wow. I ask for feedback on back cover text and I get an explosion of conversation. I'm impressed because this brings out a lot of the hurdles a writer has to deal with. But first...

This is not a parody. That being said, anyone is free to jump in and discuss. If it stays civil, it stays. Otherwise, I'll use my editing powers and that will be the end of it.

If you'll give me a minute or two, I'll say a few words about myself, which, in turn, will say a few things about my writing. In this case, I'll explain my background in dating and relating to women.

As a child, I largely learned to read on my own. By the time I was going to school, I already had an active imagination. Those two things together made me a eager to read, especially when the stories were some sort of fantasy, or eventually science fiction. I didn't read any of the great tales until I hit college though. By then, I'd already made my imagination something that I used creatively.

When I was seven, I accidentally made up a GI Joe character I called "Commander Lazer Killer," or "CLK" for short. That mess got me into so much trouble. I kept making up stories involving CLK's exploits, usually fighting or teaming up with characters from movies I liked. As I hit puberty, my fascination with some crazy fighter in camo waned. I found that black was a color I could wear comfortably and confidently, so CLK started dressing the same. Then I looked in the mirror and realized how ridiculous CLK was; that's when I dropped all but the first nine letters. With a little refinement, I had the character I call "Commander." (Note: Yes, this blog is named for Commander because I still write his tales to this day.)

As I mentioned, a lot of my ideas were shifting as I hit puberty. That's natural. But none of the ideas I had were being abandoned. As a good student, I knew that, if I wanted to know how to do something, I just had to look it up. In tenth grade, I found out, for the first time, there are a lot of things you can't ever look up.

What happened was a new student came to my school. She was in tenth grade, just like me. She liked basketball and movies and books. She was a genius, which instantly made her my rival. And she was pretty. A very simple kind of pretty. She was pretty enough though, that I obviously liked her, and she obviously didn't. Put the fact that we were rivals and friends along with that, and you've got a recipie for unrequited love. I think this is the point where most people would have given up and moved on to the next girl. I didn't have that option. There was no next girl. I didn't have any real interest in anyone else.

Here's where the stalker arguement comes up, because a few people I went to school with thought it was a proper label to apply to me. I can logically debunk that thought. I didn't call her incessantly, in fact, she was always the one who called me. I didn't follow her around on Friday or Saturday nights. I was incredibly dumbstruck and smitten. Without any real guidance, I did the best I could. One last bit here, I started my senior year of high school by asking this girl to the movies, but the window had passed during the summer when I heard little from her.

About two months into my first year of college, I almost asked a girl out. She joyously told me her boyfriend was coming to see her one second before I was going to ask her out. Needless to say, I didn't say anything after that. My second year or college, I tried asking another girl out, which resulted in us playing this crazy game of sexual tension for a year, but it never resulted in me ever having a chance with her.

I was 20 years old when I had my first kiss and first girlfriend. It lasted a few months. My first girlfriend felt like she had to fight the girl I wanted in high school and another girl for my affection, but it wasn't true. They were still my friends, which created a decent amount of conflict that wasn't necessary. I've had another girlfriend since then, but continued physical distance (100+ miles, and neither of us trying to see the other) killed that relationship.

By the way, I know this will sound funny, but it's true (and not a parody). I've never had sex. I'm 28 years old and I've never had to use a condom. I've had one opportunity with girlfriend #2, but I was so inexperienced, our relationship as a whole was an exercise in what don't I know. Besides, I wasn't ready. I'm probably still not ready.

I could go into detail about what I find attractive. I could discuss the quality of legs more than breasts or auburn hair over blonde hair. I could do a lot of things. Instead, I'll settle something here and now. I have rotten luck when it comes to women. It's not for a lack of trying; I'm just not attracted to every woman that walks in front of me. It takes more than ten seconds to decide if I'm interested in a girl.

Last week is a good example of this. The girl I pursued last week, I'd been at least partially attracted to for a few months. I decided to move forward because of those elements outside of the physical, although that's an important element as well. To quote one of my coworkers when I told her the outcome of my most recent failed pursuit, "It was still a good idea."

Now that I've said all that, you might wonder how I portray relationships. As largely an outside observer to the dating world, I have two methods to this. One is cheap couplings assembled only for sex. The other type could be called honest relationships, where it's for more than sex (if that), it's to be around the other person. I know that Vitamin F has both. In fact, I'm sure my depiction of both will likely create an implication that I see sex in our society as being cheap and pathetic. I euphamism I might use would be going to cash in a winning lottery ticket and throwing it away to pick up a penny off the ground; sure, you're a penny richer, but you could have won a million dollars and you let it get away.

I think that covers most everything concerning how my approaching women has developed over the past 13 years or so. I now open the floodgates of discussion. Come one, come all, come and tear my past asunder.

Vitamin F: Back Cover Copy

2007-07-27T03:14:00.000-05:00

Here's a version of what I'm thinking might be the summary text for Vitamin F. You know, the few paragraphs you find on the back cover or the inside of the dust jacket. Check it out and let me know what you think:

Bridgett was tasting the first fruits of adulthood. She studied history. She had a crush on a young woman.

But that was normal. In fact, it was the only way to secure the gene pool from destruction.

Bridgett's life was her own. Her genes, like everyone else's, were state property.

It was only a matter of time until someone came to collect.

Good Fortune

2007-07-24T03:40:00.000-05:00

I've been very fortunate as of late. As a demonstration of said fortune, I'm going to count my blessings right here and now.

1. Whenever I make a daily goal for my writing, I make it.

2. I've got a good job. Bills are paid. I'm not starving. Etc.

3. Beta Readers. I'm setting up a list now for those who will be the first to read Vitamin F. I've got to know it works before I can hope to sell it. I just need a couple more readers at this point and it would probably be better if one or both were women. The main audience for this one is more the literary female sort, so that's who I need to read it for me. Of course, I'm not cutting the guys out here. It's actually 50/50 as it currently stands.

4. I'm pressing my luck saying this next one, but I'll say it anyway. I asked a girl I work with to go to lunch with me and she said she would. I'm just waiting on our schedules to link up again at this point. She's got a lot going on, which is why she asked me to write down my number for her.

5. With the possible exception of #4, I'm more confident of things right now. I feel like I can and will get Vitamin F published.

6. I just got in contact with one of my friends from high school again. Since he's in the Army now, he's been sent to Iraq twice. His wife is going to have their first child in the fall. I'm glad he's doing well.

So the count is six. Six major things I am quite fortunate to have.

Thank you. I mean it, thank you.

Success!

2007-07-17T16:45:00.000-05:00

I won't hold back, I've been fighting with some elements involving the Brotherhood of Life, a terrorist group in Vitamin F. One of the main things I've been fighting with is the layout of their headquarters. I've imagined that it was a large compound, mainly ruins of some previously existing structure.

The headquarters has to be isolated from the main city. It's got a lot of cinder block construction on the interiors and can house their entire local operation. It's got a great deal of space where things and people could hide--a random investigation of the area would find nothing, especially if the Brotherhood had a chance to see what was coming. The headquarters is also close to a wooded area, although I don't know of many ways to get this particular bit of info into the story itself.

The summers around the headquarters are very hot, especially in the daytime. Temperatures easily reach the mid-nineties, which can be harnessed as a torture mechanism. As a terrorist encampment, it also needs to have a good place to practice various activities of that nature (firing ranges, areas to test explosives, etc.).

When recently asked what city Vitamin F takes place in, I said that it was a city that didn't exist yet, although it is likely built near or on the ruins of Chicago. Summers are hot, winters are cold.

All these things collided a few hours ago, just after I woke up. The fact that the nearby major city is Chicago, at least in modern terms, made me remember why I picked Chicago. I've been there. But the reason I went was so that I could go to the Wizard World comic book convention, which is in Rosemont. Rosemont, much like Chicago, is hot in the summer, cold in the winter. It has patches of forest nearby, as well as O'Hare International Airport; O'Hare is on the opposite side of the highway as its runways, creating a unique show if you're driving nearby and a plane needs to take off.

All this together made me see that I've been somewhere near Chicago that would serve as a fine headquarters for the Brotherhood of Life. That's why, as of today, when I write about their headquarters, I'll be using a lot of the topography and design of the convention center in Rosemont. Out of fairness to them, I'm not using the current name of the center; those words will have been lost for some reason or another.

The Value of a Number

2007-07-14T01:36:00.000-05:00

A few months ago, I had dinner with legendary Batman writer/editor Denny O'Neil. Those assembled had a wonderful discussion about writing, literature, comics, science fiction--all the things I usually talk to people about. During the discussion, I briefly mentioned that I was working on a novel. After asking how far I'd gotten, I gave him the page count (was then 35,000), which he thought sounded like quite the accomplishment.

He then relayed that the average modern novel has between 75,000 and 125,000 words. I'm at 73,200 words on Vitamin F.

I'm almost there, almost at the level to make for true novel length. At least, according to a published author I am.

In similar news, I've officially put together "Chapter 1." I'm assembling a group of what Jim Bitcher calls "beta readers" to look over it. I'm going to wait until I've got more chapters set up before I get a full compliment of beta readers to go over it. Right now, I've got two, with another person ready to read whatever I'll give her.

Office Matters

2007-07-02T01:52:00.000-05:00

My computer had been in my bedroom for a long time. Last week I moved it in an effort to do some network gaming. Even though the gaming failed, I decided to take the opportunity to put together a full-fledged office. A few minutes ago, I got a TV, a VCR, and a DVD player in here, so I'd say it's officially an office.

OK, I still need to get the printer in here. I also need to get a bunch of stuff picked up and my CD drive replaced. But aside from those things, I'm up and running. Since this is something of a reorganization, I decided to start playing Wolf's Rain again to mark the occasion.

The main thing I'm doing is trying to reinforce the idea of writing a little bit at a time. I've read recently that you have to shut out the fact that you want to finish a novel if you ever hope to get done with one. Worry too much about something and all you'll end up doing is worrying--you won't get anything done.

So here I am, doing the best I can to motivate myself to go farther down the long road of writing. The long road of Vitamin F.

Eyes In The Night

2007-06-22T03:04:00.000-05:00

I had a dream. It was interesting and odd. There was a fleet of ships, a large group with it's own systems of government running in and out of groups of ships. The fleet assembled years earlier, fighting back against some technological superpower that had annihilated most of their population. After years of fighting, the technological superpower was destroyed.

There was a lingering touch of the superpower within the fleet. A new type of weapon had been introduced, a cybervirus that could infect someone, turning them into a sleeper agent. These sleeper agents don't really do anything until they actually fall asleep. When they do, they become mostly transparent, radiating a subtle aura, which also causes their eyes to glow. In darkness, they are totally invisible. In the light, they can blend in with their surroundings.

As a result, several former police and militia band together and form a new, covert faction. Their goal is to find and seek out these sleeper agents and eliminate them. They've even gone so far as to develop weapons that will lock on to the sleeper agents, as well as cloaking the weapon operators.

There are other factions as well. There is the military faction, the most predominant of all. They have fought the technological superpower and defeated it, leaving the fleet in a somewhat aimless existence. There is also a scientific religion being overseen by a mischevious doctor; this faction wants simply to overthrow the military faction. What most people are unaware of is that this doctor had previously aided the technological superpower, and they aided him in turn.

The main character would be a member of the police/malitia faction--perhaps I should refer to them as the covert faction since the other's would not be aware of them. He would use his fction's weapon to seek out and destroy the sleeper agents night after night, all while working with the military faction as a security enforcer of some kind.

Noting the significance of the sleeper agents, I'm thinking I should call this "Eyes In The Night."

Shadow of the Boy with Horns

2007-06-13T01:02:00.000-05:00

I've slammed full force into the wall of the dreaded writer's block. Of course, this was about a month ago, so I've already mentioned the worst of it. I'm realizing what was going on, more as a way to figure out how to get out of being blocked.

I haven't been transcribing my handwritten notes into files or integrating them with preexisting files. Today, I got up and transcribed the first set of those notes. [Jump up the wall and grab the rope.]

I haven't been reading much, except for breaks at work. In the past few days, I've been reading at home and when I go hang out with my friends. [Scale the wall and smack the shadowdemons with the stick.]

Video Games. I'm part of the way through one and I started two more ON THE SAME DAY. No excuse for that one, except that I finished one of them. [Grab the girl and run out of the castle.]

So the game I finished was a little game called Ico. It's Japanese, so it's pronounced E-Ko. This game is beautiful, wonderful, imaginative. It's got a loose, but strong story about a boy cursed with horns trying to get himself and an etherial princess out of a huge castle. To do so, you've got to jump and climb up walls, smack shadowdemons with a stick, all as a way to solve elaborate puzzles. It sounds tedious, but it's magic. If you've played or had interest in Shadow of the Colossus, Ico is a must, if only to discover the subtle links between the two.

No, I'm not here after all

2007-05-31T01:57:00.000-05:00

Those are the words I end up telling my computer every day. I've been making excuses about the individual times of day (early mornings and late nights) when I have done a lot of the work on Vitamin F. Production of the story hasn't stopped completely, quite the contrary. I've got a notebook that I carry with me all the time since it fits in my pocket. One full scene and part of another have made it in there as of late.

So what's holding me up? Lots of things. I'll just name the biggest few.

Stress. I've got gobs of it. Occasional difficulties with work, great-grandmother passed away, gaming politics to name a few.

Nutritional strength. About the time I started Vitamin F, I actually started taking daily vitamin suppliments. Yes, this is what gave me the idea for how the primary drug would be presented, which led to the title. If I have smaller meals, I usually can't justify taking a vitamin. There've been a lot of times recently where I've been forced to have many smaller meals instead of full ones (closing shifts at work). Now that things have stabilized again, I've recognized the problem and taken steps to rectify it.

Blood? I've had to sop up a bleeding wound far too many times in the past couple of weeks. I'm tired of it. I'm tired because of it. As of today, I'm wondering if this might be a part of the creativity drought. Again, I'm taking care of it.

I guess I'm drawing a line in the sand. I know what problems currently exist in my life and I'm looking at them and saying, "No more." The writing will continue because, if it doesn't, I should give up on most of my life to this point. I have no intention of giving up.

Yes, I'm still here

2007-05-19T03:30:00.000-05:00

I know it's been a few weeks, but I haven't forgotten about this thing. I haven't really had a lot to say as of late, but that's fine. No one's really had any response for my posts in a while.

Stress has bogged me down as of late. There have been a lot of little things and two or three big ones that have really gotten in my way. Right now, I'm looking over everything I'm involved with and trying to decide what to do differently (if anything). Before a few days ago, my writing had been restrained to a large degree by this. It sucks, but it's true.

But I'm back now, doing what I can to keep things going. Wrote a small section yesterday and I'll do another here in a few minutes. It's that little bit a day that's gotten me to 200+ pages on Vitamin F, and it'll see me through to the end of the story as well. I just have to keep going.

Try to remember that when you're down, or whenever you think you need a morale boost. If you tell yourself to keep going and make and try to consistently, you'll do exactly that.

Establishing a Plan

2007-05-03T03:00:00.000-05:00

After recent reevelations about my progress with Vitamin F, I know that I've got to keep things moving. I spoke with my de facto editor--or would you prefer beta reader, Dan?--I got things set up to try to hammer out another quarter of the story by or around June 1. This is doable for a couple of reasons:

1. I've already written some of the section I need to finish. I've got a rough plot of that section hanging on my wall.

2. I know the tone of the section, as well as the predomiant antagonist(s). And They Have A Plan. (There's a lot of similarity between Galactica season 1 Cylon hunts and Genetic Security constantly checking up on people.)

3. Oriane Panettiere can be summed up in one word: misandrist. I think I might have made that word up, but what it means is that she hates males. Take the word "misogynist" and replace the "gyn" (female) for "andro" (male). Leave sitting 22 years before baking at 450 degrees.

4. One sentence plot: "Bridgett tries to find her place in the world." Story: Genetic Security does what it can to keep the plot from resolving. Resolution: that'll stay my secret for a while longer.

Great Achievements

2007-05-02T15:42:00.000-05:00

There come times in everyone's lives when they feel like they've done something truly worthwhile. Depending upon their personality, the accomplishment could matter to one person or to one billion. It's all a matter of personal perspective.

Running down half a basketball court to make a layup in front of a crowded arena.

Giving a speech to a community group, letting them know what recycling really is and how it really works.

Showing someone compassion in such a way, it literally gives them life.

There's a broad range of things that could apply as a great achievement, but to creative types such as myself, it's a lot harder to find something that will satisfy. Our great accomplishments are going to tend to be those things that only we can enjoy. While people might spend hours with something artistic, the artist--the creator--will have spent days, if not longer, with it.

I told Denny O'Neil at the convention that I'd written 200 pages on a book, which he thought was a step in the right direction. Of course, 200 pages is an estimation, not an exact value. The exact value as of 3PM Central time, May 1st, is 193 pages.

I noticed at the end of March that I'd cranked out around 60 pages a month, 120 pages over two months. I wanted to get at least 180 pages if it was possible by the end of April. I shot out an extra 13 to make things that much better.

Bridgett's journey to find her place in the world (hers, not ours) has a lot of detail to it already. And even though Commander's battled rank along similar lines, I'm starting to wonder if I may have already written more about Bridgett. Don't get me wrong, I've got a lot of Commander stuff stored in my skull, but that doesn't replace the simple accomplishment of having written 193 pages of a novel.

It's one of, if not the single greatest achievement of my life. Every day I write more on it will be the greatest achievement of my life. Even after I move on to something else, each time I write something new and push forward, it's the greatest thing I've ever done.

Writing Tales and Progress in the Real World

2007-04-24T01:45:00.000-05:00

Wow, I've been busy. I'll just sum up everything from the past week, leaving more to elaborate on later.

On an old note, I found out that my professor is back in North America. No notice to me of course, I was left to find out by seeing him from a distance. I'm nearly set to turn in another draft, having worked on it more on Thursday. I just need a bit on the history of the research and I'll be set.

This past weekend was the Second Annual Cape Girardeau Comic Con. Since I'm friends with the promoter/organizer of the event, I was asked to do a few things to help out. No problem. The result: I get to meet guys like Roy Thomas and Denny O'Neil not only in person, but also by name.

I also got a chance to have dinner with several people on Saturday night. Jonnie Allan, creator/writer/publisher of Stykman was among them, and just a great person to have a conversation with. I'll probably end up communicating with him again in the future.

Denny O'Neil was also present at the dinner. The great thing about Denny is that he is such a fountain of interesting conversation, so much that, if the restaraunt stayed open long enough, we could have talked until dawn. It was a great, informative, enlightening conversation, one I'll never forget.

Finally, today, I got the most recent rejection for "The Golden Hollow" back in the mail. The best thing about this rejection is that I got story comments from two different editors along with it. As a whole, they liked the core idea of the story, but they didn't care for either 1) the resolution of the initial conflict or 2) the small amount of descriptive detail.

Jim Butcher Signing

2007-04-11T01:56:00.000-05:00

Do you like The Dresden Files? I've recently gotten a bit hooked between the tv show and finally getting to read a couple of the books. The newest came out a week ago. I've been steadily making progress through it, which is good since I read more than one book at a time now. I'm surprised that's been working out, but that's besides the point.

I found out recently that Jim Butcher, the writer/creator of The Dresden Files would be signing in St. Louis to promote White Night. In a string of odd luck, I found myself able to go. So, this afternoon, I piled into a car with a couple of friends and we were off.

Along the way, we encountered many strange things, which I won't recount here. Long story short, we had all the makings of a typical road trip, with the exception of the manditory sequence of getting lost. That happened on the way back.

As the clock struck 7PM, we found ourselves listening to Jim Butcher personally answering questions from the crowd. He's quite an interesting speaker, mixing together the right amounts of humor, raw information, and entertaining anecdotes.

When it came time for the signing itself, a bookseller took down what we wanted written in our books. With most people, myself included, our names were the order of the day. I spelled mine out to make sure it was right. Misspelling names of those directly infront of you is a minor pet peeve of mine, as well as Jim Butcher. He always made a point to clarify someone's name if it wasn't written down in front of him.

The thing that made me smile the most about the actual signing was that, when he wrote in my books, Jim began with "For Len!" When I just write my first name down on something, I usually put my first name in all caps followed by an exclamation point. It was a fun coincidence, nothing more.

Vitamin F--two months in

2007-04-04T01:15:00.000-05:00

The first file I made for Bridgett's tale was on February 1 and dealt with her first verbal encounter with the leader of the terrorist faction, the Brotherhood of Life. On March 30, I started another file where Bridgett and several of her sorority sisters physically and mentally abuse another girl (Bridgett's best friend) just because of her sexual preference.

One of the things I keep in the notebook I have for this story, is a running log of each file that serves as a scattered puzzle piece of the whole tale. I mark down the number of words, the page length, and the properly formatted page length (my page length times 1.78). Here is the current tally after two months of work:

Words: 34,005
Page Length: 67.35
Proper Format Length: 119.883

I'd like to point out that I've written another couple of pages since I figured these stats up. I'll try to keep a monthly log of how these values progress, all leading to the inevitable completed first draft.

Title Reassessment--March 2007

2007-03-29T03:19:00.000-05:00

I'd said previously that I thought of the title Vitamin Femme to describe the exploits of Bridgett, genetically deficient citizen of a future world populated almost entirely by homosexual women. I ran this title by a few people and, while they approved, they also voice concern that I would gather the "wrong audience" with such a title.

In all fairness, the audience for this story is predominantly female itself. I think of women who read odd literary books, as well as dabble in the reaches of science fiction. Women such as these are the most likely audience for the story I intend to tell.

The biggest criticism of the title as listed above comes from the word "femme." There is a connotation coming with that word that implies subcultural context. While I do intentionally touch upon some of these subcultures with this story, I can't limit the story to those confines alone. This is part of the reason why I developed the investigator character, Oriane--to provide mainstream audiences with something more recognizable.

Also, I should note that there is another fine line I have to avoid crossing comes from the codename some of my friends have given this project: SNIKT. There's an odd reference there and I won't explain it in detail. I will say that, much like Wolverine's claws, external organs really shouldn't go *snikt* in sudden, comical ways.

This isn't supposed to be a joke and it isn't supposed to be some subculture thing. As functional as it is, I can't really use the title I thought of. However, I can use something similar...

So how does Vitamin F sound? Granted, I'm sure you know what the "F" stands for, but I think that it's much more mysterious this way. This new title touches upon all the same notes as the other one, as well as making a scientific reference.

Years ago, there was a Vitamin F. This substance was found to be in many food that people ate--and still eat today--and was labelled "F" due to its presence in many fatty tissues. Today, we call these compounds "fatty acids." So, in science, Vitamin F is a label describing a physical compound that in a completely inappropriate category.

Vitamin F. What do you think?

Vitamin Notes

2007-03-24T03:25:00.000-05:00

I've been assessing a few things--with some help--and I thought I should make a list and see what others thought.

--In the world Bridgett lives in, shorter hair usually confides a note of submission, while longer hair denotes a trend of dominance. This isn't necessarily a rule for their world, but it's a trend that, when asked about, I did notice.

--Just because something is a Greek institution called a sorority, with sorority sisters as members, doesn't mean that this was always the case. Another question posed to me concerned the sorority that Penelope, and later Bridgett, are part of. The answer I gave was that it was initially a fraternity.

--The subject of religion in this screwed up, mostly female world has come up. At first, my thought was something in the vein of Wicca (partially because I've known a few Pagans in my time and Wicca isn't too far from that). As I reassess this, I wonder if this really works. What should/would the predominant religion of a female culture be? Keep in mind that no population is going to kneel to a deity of a "nonexistant" gender for very long.

Creative Numbers Crunching

2007-03-14T14:00:00.000-05:00

Even in writing, numbers are the definative way of tracking progress. After 40 days of working on Vitamin, I've come up with a few numbers to chart my progress.

I've typed around 23,700 words. The mark of a short novel's word count is 60,000.

Using 12 pt., Times New Roman font with single spaces, I've written 44.1 pages.

Proper format--same as above with double spaces--comes up to around 78.5 pages. This doesn't include any sort of chapter spaces or breaks, nor mid-chapter breaks.

The good news is that the framework of this story is really coming together. Something that didn't really exist in my mind two months ago has a detailed plot and story progression. It has characters that, in my mind, are just as real as Hokairu Itobe, or Commander's nemesis Kadium. I should also point out that I'm fairly certain that by February 2008, I should have a draft of this book done. If I don't finish the draft sooner.

Storytelling, Death, and Torment

2007-03-09T00:46:00.000-06:00

This has been spurred by the editorial ignoring and killing of the character Captain America.

It's been a theme of mainstream comics (Marvel and DC) over the past few years to highlight their big events with "significant" deaths. Superboy in Infinte Crisis. Banshee in Deadly Genesis. The Question and Booster Gold (among others) in 52. And now Captain America as a result of, if not in the pages of Civil War.

Death is the placemarker in mainstream comics. The examples I just listed are only the merest tip of the iceberg. But what other stories are predominant right now? The unmasking of Spider-man. The expansive decrease in the number of mutants. The reformation of the multiverse.

I'll tell you in three words what these stories really are: POINTLESS SHOCK VALUE.

There's no real reader loyalty involved with shock value. All the reader intersted in shock value has to do is wait for CNN to have a story about an event, buy that issue, then go back to his/her video games and wait for the next shock event. There is an inherent flaw with this; it doesn't generate consistent new readership, it condenses a greater percentage of the niche market onto a single issue or title.

If I were to make a guess, I'd say there are probably 1.5 million comic book readers in the US. It sounds like a lot until you realize that there are more than 260 million people in the US. Comic readers make up less than 1% of the population.

Each week, the show Heroes manages to get 9.9 million viewers. Both are seeking out the same audience, the same demographic market, so why aren't more people reading comics? I think it's because the comic book industry sees superheroes as these constantly fighting engines, all fighting for different ends or purposes. The TV industry sees superheroes as some odd child of science fiction.

For greater contrast, look at the kinds of title that have been gaining momentum in comic book stores. Zombie comics, fantasy comics, westerns, and sci-fi tales. Superheroes, while having the largest slice of the market pie, are dropping crumbs on the floor. Everything else is getting bigger, while superheroes are getting smaller.

Superheroes don't grow, evolve or suffer anymore, so they have to die.

I think this is a way to look at the creators' view of superheroes. I think this view is bullshit. It's much harder to make a character suffer and toil, than it is to kill them. I write stories about wars and I don't have characters--named characters--dying left and right.

Last week, I was working on a section of Ashes of War where a prominent character was assassinated. I didn't want to kill the character, neither did the assassin. However, this character's death created a situation where one of the lead characters could face one of the primary antagonists and say "Your centuries of silent rule have ended as of today. I can find you and kill you. I can get this close to you and there is nothing you can do about it."

It'd be easy to make another character die here, but that's not what the story needs. It's a much harder decision to allow the antagonist to live, but that's what separates a hero from a killer.

If I were writing Cable, I know killing and death wouldn't be a constant thing. Cable is a soldier, his archenemy is a tyrant living by "survival of the fittest." And I'm not killing people. It's hard to make a character live and suffer defeat. It's easy to let them die. Sure, death happens a lot with violent lifestyles I the real world, but audiences of action/adventure (a key facet of comic books) want escapism. If they wanted the real world, they'd turn on the 24 hour news channels and nothing else.

Captain America shouldn't have died. Though he may have just lost a major war for personal freedom, it would have been far more interesting to see this man, a World War II veteran, struggle to find purpose in a world where democracy slowly embraces somewhat fascist ideals.

Marvel took the easy path and killed Captain America. I won't take the easy path with my characters, which is why I think I'll have a little more success than they will. I know that's arrogant, but shock value has little staying power. Strong storytelling is lasting.

Origins

2007-03-06T15:00:00.000-06:00

The Present:
I've gotten a few sequences building the friendship between Bridgett and Penelope. I'm trying to get them to the dating stage quickly because most of the plot happens only after they have gotten to that stage. I think I'm running the risk of pushing them forward too fast, but I don't think it's going to be a huge problem. I just have to remember, this is just me getting to story down. I can go fool with it later.

The Past:
Managed to get a good handle on Bridgett's personality. She's the princess of insecurity, disguised conformity, and futile attempts at relaxation. Ah, it is wonderful tormenting characters.

The Future:
I must play in the Origins marquee tournament. I think it's this weekend, which, miraculously, I have off. Why must I play? The bulk of the set is made of "the T," or "the fucking T"--the JSA. I play this team as a merciless science. I'm also good at putting together a team on the fly. Finally, the games are ALL going to be played on the new map... the JSA brownstone. A fitting location for the JSA to show off its "T" formation once again. To my friends I play Clix with, I'd advise you to remember every other time I've played JSA, then copy it.

The Past:
I've been told that the word "Vitamin" should be part of the title of the book I'm working on. The word "Femme," not getting a lot of support.

The Present:
I keep seeing the one person who has a lot of superficial characteristics in common with the character Bridgett (namely hair and body plan). I'm reminded of some things I've read online about developing characters. It's been suggested that characters can be made of parts of different people--the face of one person, the mind of another, and the personality of a third.

A Note on Inspiration

2007-03-01T04:26:00.000-06:00

After a bit of internal analysis, I've discovered that there are some subconscious forces at work with every creative idea, no matter how small or how original. Something makes us think the things we think.

For me, it might have been that initial image of Bridgett. Not her anatomy, just her face and her outline. One of the things that spurred that creative streak was having a friend mention that she was interested in reading some of my work. Another element was my continued exposure to a different girl, one who I initially encountered years ago and thought was interesting at the time. Both of these girls have cute features, thin (not skinny) bodies, long legs, and petite breasts. Something of all this came together in my subconscious and devised a character. Or not, I could be wrong.

Another character, Hokairu Itobe, is the product of the same subconscious addition. Initially, the inspiration for him was Zechs Marquise from Gundam Wing. When I decided he should be black, I wanted to keep that same kind of regal stature. There's a British actor named Chiwetel Ejiofor. This man is very talented, has a very confident, subdued presence that can give him a regal quality or an agressive one, depending upon the part. When I see Itobe, I see some odd fusion of Zechs and The Operative (Serenity). And that's what I want.

I think we can control the fusion of ideas, as in the latter example, and sometimes, the fusion of ideas happens quietly, all on its own. With the exception of plot progression, when I'm trying to think about what's needs to happen in a story or what that story should be, I'm performing that process of subconscious addition, over and over.

Routine Patterns

2007-02-23T01:28:00.000-06:00

For a week, I've managed to work consistently on Vitamin Femme. I've established a routine: I wake up, write for an hour or two, go to work, read and goof off, write some more, then go to sleep.

I've accumulated several pages doing things this way. While those pages may not always be the greatest, I know that some of those pages are very strong. I'm proudest of the sequence where Bridgett discovers the truth behind the vitamins she takes each day. While I knew most of what I wanted out of the sequence, the writing held enough control to move things in a stronger direction.

Initially, I thought Bridgett would run away from her grandfather, but I knew that if she did, she wouldn't get some of the most important information (the contents of the vitamins). Instead of running, she freaks out, slapping her grandfather furiously until she draws blood. Once that happens, she vomits and passes out.

I've found a lot of detail in the last week as well, fleshing out the structure of the story and the values of several characters. For instance, one character is designed to be a caring feminine presence and a door to finding some form of paganism (mostly female culture). Through writing, I've discovered that Selena is quite compassionate, but also can be quite stern. She's a loving, firm, warm woman, who embraces her daughter, Penelope, dating Bridgett. In short, I didn't know that Selena was prone to lectures before, but now it sems a vital part of her character.

Titles and Other Troubles

2007-02-19T04:10:00.000-06:00

First, let me mark the occasion of the passing of my favorite band from contemporary to history. Alas, Audioslave is no more... I'm currently playing their first CD in memoriam.

My crazy idea has managed to gain quite a bit of momentum. I've steadily written an average of a page a day on it this month. I wrote one of the key sequences on Friday morning and it worked out well. The writing took over just enough to improve the story, but not so much that I lost control over it.

One of the main elements of that scene is the explaination of the vitamins that Bridgett has been taking almost every day of her life. Since these vitamins are the major deus ex machina of the story, I started to realize that this might be something to build a title around.

The major transistions of the story are linked to the vitamins in some way. The first major transition is the revelation that these mundane vitamins, which have had an unusual amount of emphasis, are actually a hormone treatment. The second major transition ends with the removal of said vitamins from Bridgett's biochemistry.

At the beginning of the story, Bridgett thinks she's taking the vitamins because she has a Vitamin B-12 deficiency. Because of that, my mind started trying to label the vitamins--something like "Vitamin B" or "Vitamin M." Something that was fake, but still fitting.

Then it hit me. Not "Vitamin M," Vitamin Femme. In a way, it says exactly what's going on without giving the real story away. If this works as a title--and I need some feedback to let me know--I've got a cover image figured out. Show the left side of Bridgett's body from her nose down to her hip; her hand would be outstretched holding a pill in her hand.

Balance Issues

2007-02-15T01:32:00.000-06:00

First of all, thanks to Jack and Jonathan--you guys have reminded me how much fun having a blog can be. I'm enjoying our ongoing discussion.

Last week, I was trying to focus on how to approach this crazy idea I've been working on. As I've already established, there's a severe feminine slant since most of the characters are female. I had to do something to balance it out. I hadn't done much consistent video gaming aside from Guitar Hero since I beat the Xenosaga games, so I decided to finally get my hands dirty with one of the most violent games ever, God of War.

Now, as much fun as video games are, they are still inherently distractions from me doing any writing. In a lot of ways, this blog is as well. That aside, I think I need to find some writing that has a masculine slant to balance out the most recent idea I've gotten. I am being slightly pulled by Ashes of War. It's been dormant for a bit, but not so long where I've forgotten about it. For all the work I plan to do, this still needs to be the first book I publish, if only to give readers a better idea of what to expect from me.

My thought is that as I write scenes depicting the growth and development of a predominantly lesbian world, with predominantly lesbian relationships, I will also write about a chaotic fantasy world where political power struggles result in assassins infiltrating castles and killing dignitaries just to silence them. As I write about love in one story, I can write about hate in the other. As I have covert, subtle conflicts in one story, I can shape overt, explosive conflicts in the other.